A reader sent me a link to a recent letter to Dear Abby.  So while this isn’t the “typical” swing shift column where we answer questions from our readers, we thought that it would make a good post anyway.  The letter is as follows:

DEAR ABBY: Our friends “Andy” and “Corinne” live out of state in Michigan. We visit them about twice a year. Our visits are planned weeks in advance. The last three times, on Saturday night they hosted a “swingers party.”

The first time it happened we thought it was a joke, until the guests — after “tossing back a few” — started picking partners. We saw them begin to caress one another, then start going into other rooms and outside. One of the attendees came on to my wife. We informed him we’re not swingers. His response? He told us it was OK to “watch” the first time or two.

Abby, we’re not prudes, but we feel uncomfortable visiting these friends. We now return to our bedroom when the swingers arrive. In contrast, when Andy and Corinne come to visit us in Tennessee, we have dinner, play cards and go to church on Sunday.

We have spoken to them about this. They tell us they “keep their relationship fresh” this way. We don’t want to lose them as friends, but we don’t know what to do. Can you help? — SATISFIED WITH EACH OTHER

Abby’s response was as follows:

DEAR SATISFIED: I’ll try. Because you like Andy and Corinne every other day of the week when you visit them, schedule an outside activity — dinner and a movie, a play — anything that will get you out of their den of iniquity on Saturday night. Either that, or leave for home on Friday.

My first reaction reading this letter is that it is couples like this that give swingers a bad name.  To think that there are people in the lifestyle who would purposefully arrange to host a party on a night when they know that some non-swinger friends are visiting, not just once but 3 times just boggles my mind and is completely opposite of our experience.  Even when we attend hotel meet and greets, there is absolutely no pressure.  The very first party we went to, the hosts, knowing that it was our first party, went out of their way to make us feel comfortable and reassured us that there was no expectation that we would participate.  In fact, the website maintained by the couple that hosts our favorite parties states on the “Ground Rules” page: “If you are feeling comfortable, around 9PM, the event moves up to the party area” [this is after the social hour in the hotel bar] and “Then do your own thing and get comfortable. Remember it’s a no pressure atmosphere.”  We’ve seen this attitude in action, as “newbies” have attended parties we’ve been at and have just watched, talked with others, maybe play with each other, and we’ve NEVER seen anyone pressured to do anything they weren’t comfortable doing.

For some reason, it appears that some people assume that swingers are always looking for fuck whoever they meet, and unfortunately, our experience bears that out, to some extent.  Back in May when Veronica and I where in Seattle we were joined by our friends Emmy and Garbonzo for a few days.  Afterwards, directly and indirectly, we heard that some others who read both of our blogs were inquiring if this was “a swinging thing” or not.  Which to me assumed that anyone we meet as a result of our blogs is for the purpose of swinging.  Which of course is not true.  But it’s people like the ones who are the subject of this letter to Dear Abby that perpetuate the notion that swingers are somehow always trying to find couples to swap with.

I must say though, that I’m not entirely happy with Abby’s answer.  Why not confront the friends, tell them that you’re not comfortable with being put in that situation and don’t do it again?  Leaving for home early or scheduling something else to do just avoids the issue.  I think it would be better to directly confront their friends and talk about the uncomfortable situation they are putting them in.  But that’s just me…

Veronica:  Honestly when I read the letter I thought it was a fake sent in by some bored college students.  I just could not fathom any one popping a swingers party on an unsuspecting friend.  Even if we were not talking about common decency, most of the swingers I know are protective of their privacy as they know that swinging is not considered to be an acceptable lifestyle choice outside of the ‘lifestyle’.   Swingers are not constantly on the prowl looking for other people to fuck and generally would not spring their lifestyle on friends without making sure that they would be into the idea or curious about it first.

Feel free to comment on this post or send in any questions for us.  Hubman and I love your questions as they give us the opportunity to have some interesting dialog.  Questions can be submitted to hubman38ATgmailDOTcom.