Swing Shift Volume 16- Boundaries and Issues

Thanks to Britni for the inspiration for this weeks post!  Honestly, I’m surprised that after 4 months of writing this column, we have not addressed the issue of boundaries and how important they are.

When opening your primary relationship to other lovers, establishing and respecting boundaries is of utmost importance, in our opinion.  What seems like an eternity ago, but was really just early last year, when Veronica started looking for a woman to explore her bi-curiosity with, we established just a few boundaries:

• Sexually, she was free to do whatever she wanted with another woman.  After all, she was looking to explore things she couldn’t do with me.  ‘Cause I don’t have tits or a pussy
• I wanted to know who she was with and were they were going.  More for safety’s sake than anything else
• I didn’t care if she went out in the evening, but no overnights.  It was important to me that the kids woke up with mom in the house, not wondering were she was
• Details, after the date I wanted to know details.  Pictures would be good too.  Don’t dare tell me you’re surprised by this one!!

As we got into swinging, more boundaries were established.  For example, safe sex for vaginal and anal sex is a must.  No taking one for the team, ie fucking someone you’re not into just because your partner is really into their partner.  Veronica has declared that her ass is off-limits to everyone but me, so while some of you may lust after her ass, I’m the only one who gets to fuck it   But, she is fine with me having anal sex with another woman.  That dichotomy may seem odd to some of you, but it’s something we’ve agreed on, which is all that matters.

But the particulars of the boundaries that Veronica and I have established are a little off-point.

If you and/or your partner are considering playing with others, you can avoid trouble by establishing boundaries up front.  Back when we first started, our very first swap in fact, Veronica invited B to pull out and cum in her mouth.  That was a scenario we had failed to discuss and I was a little unhappy with her decision to let him do that. So after that night we continued our discussion of boundaries, in order to avoid a similar situation again.

Veronica: As we set and discuss our boundaries, it is part of the constant communication that we maintain as a couple.  If either of us wants to relax a boundary, (for example Hubman playing during travel without me) it’s something that we discuss during a relaxed time where we can focus on the conversation in a place where we feel comfortable having the discussion at a regular conversational volume.

Another issue that comes up is respecting the boundaries of another couple.  For example, there are couples out there that won’t kiss anyone except their primary partner.  That is fine for them and we would respect that boundary, but we also would not choose to play with them, because I would have a hard time getting turned on without kissing.

Hubman: Other boundaries are easier to work with.  She doesn’t like getting cummed on? No problem.  She only swallows for her hubby? Again, no problem.  But unless that is somehow communicated ahead of time, how would I know? But at the same time, I’m certainly not going to surprise a woman with a facial! We’ve read profiles that clearly states that the woman is into anal, but only with her hubby, so don’t ask.  We like profiles that aren’t shy about defining boundaries.

Veronica: I think that it is very important to have a discussion about boundaries with the couple you are going to play with before the play, especially if they are not specific on their profile or during chats or if they are new to the lifestyle.

Soft swap is another kind of boundary.  If someone is totally new to swinging and they want to start out having sex only with their primary partner in the same room as another couple having sex with their primary partner, but having oral sex with us, we would be fine with that.  However at some point we would want the swapping to switch from soft to hard and discontinue play with the soft only couple.

If you have specific boundaries that are non-negotiable than they should be listed on your profile  or brought up long before ANYONE is getting naked.  You might also find that as you continue in the lifestyle your boundaries might change and loosen as you get more comfortable.

Last week I was chatting on the phone with a blogger friend who is considering play outside of her marriage, with her husbands consent, but without him, at least for now.  As we were talking about desires, I asked her how much she has discussed boundaries with her hubby.  As it turned out, she said she might be interested in having anal sex with another man, but hadn’t mentioned that to her hubby.  I cautioned her that the time to find out that he doesn’t like that idea is after the fact.  Better to know before what he’s comfortable with her doing with others.

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As always, we value our readers feedback.  If you’re in some sort of open relationship, swinging or otherwise, how do you handle boundaries?  Have problems arisen because you unknowingly crossed a boundary, or your primary partner has? Have there been problems because your playmate(s) didn’t communicate their boundaries to you?

We’re always looking for topics to write about, so please leave your ideas in the comments or e-mail me at hubman38 at gmail dot com if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

I think we needed this for our room in Las Vegas [more on that trip tomorrow]:

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