Swing Shift Volume 18- Safe Sex and Getting Tested

My friend April [remember, DB and I had dinner with her and her son when we were in Washington DC in late September], who always leaves good comments and suggestions, inspired this weeks edition of Swing Shift.  Knowing that I had the great fortune of having not 2 but 3 women in bed with me at once when Veronica and I were in Las Vegas, she wrote:

I know when my ex and I played with one girl, we didn’t use a condom and he freely went back and forth, fucking us. But then other times, we would have a lot of foreplay before he put on the condom. He would then fuck her, while I played with her various body parts, then take off the condom and finish with me. Other times, we bought more condoms so more fun could be had. Although switching condoms became somewhat of a mood-breaker. So, maybe you could give advice on how to handle the condom situation with multiple partners? What do you think?

First of all, I’m jealous of your ex.  I’d love to be able to alternate between partners without dealing with condoms.  To be able to pull out of another lovers pussy and slide right into Veronica’s mouth.  Or cum inside another woman then watch Veronica eat my cum out of her.  Mmm, maybe someday the right circumstance will come along…

Anyway…

As I’ve written before, I always wear a condom when having vaginal or anal sex with anyone other than Veronica.  So if I’m with more than one woman, neither of whom is Veronica, I’ll put on a new condom whenever I switch partners [listen to me, writing as if this has happened more than just that one time in Vegas!].  Before the fun starts, I always make sure a stash of condoms is in easy reach of wherever we’re playing.  Because nothing ruins the mood like “Excuse me, I’ll be right back”, then leaving our playspace in the basement while I run upstairs to the bedroom for condoms, because I forgot to have supplies on hand.

I’ll be honest, sometimes in the process of opening the condom and putting it on I’ll lose my erection a little bit.  But what guy hasn’t had that happen?  Ladies, if that happens to your guy, you better be understanding!  You know what you can do ladies?  Help out.  Veronica has rolled a condom down my cock numerous times.  “Let me help you with that, honey.  There you go, now you’re ready to fuck our friend”.  Yeah, no problem maintain an erection when that happens!

Veronica:  We just make the condoms part of the play.   Since Hubman and I do not live in a porn movie, threesomes are generally not a surprise for us.  We have designated play places in the house and we keep a stash of condoms there so we have plenty around when we need them.  Usually Hubman is not switching back and forth between both ladies much so the condoms do not get in the way.  When we are having a threesome I usually encourage him to fuck the other girl, since  I am around for sex all the time and he should maximize his sex time with the new person while I lick her clit.    Ooops, I digressed.   Sorry about that.  No one really wants to hear about exactly what Hubman and I do in bed with others.

I also like to put the condom on Hubman before he has sex with the other partner.  I see it as my carefully wrapping up Hubman for our guest.

We’ve been in the lifestyle for a little over a few year now.  During that time, I’ve ALWAYS used protection during vaginal and anal sex with others, as has Veronica.  But condoms aren’t perfect and we’ve both had plenty of unprotected oral sex with others.  So just as a precaution, as few weeks ago I called the local Planned Parenthood office and made an appointment.

Two things really struck me about my visit, both negative.

When I walked into the Planned Parenthood center last Wednesday afternoon, the first thing I see is a guard and a metal detector.  I had to put anything metallic in a basket and pass thru the detector in order to proceed to the reception area that was through another door. In the reception area, the staff was behind very thick, possibly bulletproof, glass.  It’s just a goddamn shame that there are people in the world who make these security measures necessary.

I sit down with a nurse and in a straightforward manner tell her that my wife and I sometimes have oral, vaginal, and anal sex with other partners, other women for me, men and women for her.  I tell her that there is no cause for concern, it’s just that she and I feel that getting tested is the responsible thing to do.  So she collects a urine sample and draws some blood to test me for gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphillis and HIV.  I’m then shown to a private exam room and joined by a nurse practitioner, who looks over  my paperwork, asks why I’m getting tested (I tell her the same thing I told the nurse), and tells me that I should get a phone call in 3-4 days if anything comes back positive, otherwise I can get a copy of my test results within 2 weeks.

I fully expected to be lectured, even just a little bit, about the risks of casual sex with multiple partners.  Nothing, not a single word of caution.  Maybe they felt it wasn’t necessary with me?  Maybe they save that for the 17 yr old kid who comes in with an infection?  Who knows…

In any event, I’m glad I went and got tested.  I’m sure that as we continue in the lifestyle, while it was my first time getting tested, it won’t be my last.

I know some of you are wondering.  No, I did not get a phone call, I’m clean.

Veronica: I have not had much of a conversation with my doctor about my non-monogamous life.  I remember when I went in a little over a year ago (pre-lifestyle) to complain of some pain and bleeding during sex (my mom is only 2 years past a uterine cancer diagnosis and full hysterectomy, I have ANY issues and I’m at the gyno’s ASAP).  The doctor asked me about the frequency of sexual intercourse.  I inform her that I have sex between 6-8 times per week.  She grabbed my chart and asked why I was having sex so much since I clearly was not trying to get pregnant (I’m on the pill to keep me from being an evil hormone addled disaster & Hubman has a vasectomy) I shrugged and explained that was just our sex life.  She made a comment about my needing “pelvic rest” for a week and I got the feeling she did not approve of my frequency.  This has made me reluctant to speak to her about anything regarding an alternative life style.

I had a different Nurse Practitioner this year and I alluded to having sex with women and using toys, and she did not ask me about testing of any kind, but did tell me that I should make sure that if anyone was putting their fingers inside me to make sure they washed their hands first, and told me that I should thoroughly clean and dry my toys after using them.

I considered either changing my doctor or going to Planned Parenthood myself for testing.  However, since I have good insurance and am confident of my medical information being confidential part of me would rather use my insurance.

Sometimes I think I should change my gyno, but they take very good care of me.  Due to my mom’s health issues, my file has been blue flagged by them, so if I call with any ladybit issues, I can often get an appointment for the same day.  However I am not comfortable discussing my sex life with them so in the end, are they the best physicians for me?

However, how do I find a doctor that’s lifestyle friendly, will take my insurance and is close by?  Sexual health is not something you exactly bring up at parties.  Beyond making sure that condoms are non-negotiable it has been my experience that  no one really has an extended discussion about sexual health.  Do my other non-monogamous friends feel that way as well?

=============================================================================

So there you have it, a little about how we incorporate condoms into our play with others and a little about getting tested.  As always, your thoughts, comments and stories are most welcome.  And if you prefer to remain anonymous, just e-mail me at hubman38 at gmail dot com.

Where are the snorkels?

Be Sociable, Share!

•