Swing Shift Volume 19- Getting Rejected Sucks

Just when I’m wondering what to write about for the next volume of Swing Shift, along comes one of my readers with an excellent suggestion.  Have I mentioned before that I have the best readers?

Here’s a suggestion for a future Swing Shift, it has to do with rejection.

You’ve written about rejecting others at every stage – not answering ads, not replying to emails, chatting but not meeting, meeting but invoking your escape phrase, even swinging and deciding not to do it again.

But how does it feel on the other side? Have you been rejected at any of these stages? Did it lead you to think you were doing something ‘wrong’ or re-evaluate yourselves in any way? (If it hasn’t happened, how do you think you’ll react?)

Have we been rejected? Of course!!!  I think it would be exceptionally arrogant of us not to expect to get rejected, perhaps even more often that we’re not.  Rejection in the lifestyle takes many forms

• We’ve contacted couples that we find attractive, only to be either ignored or told “No thanks, we’re not interested”

Veronica:  Usually people just ignore us.  This pisses me off.  If you are not interested, just send us a quick  email.    Hubman and I email everyone within 48 hours of receiving your email .  Be polite dammit!

• We’ve gone a date with a couple, only to be blown off by them when we attempted to arrange a second date.

Veronica: This has happened once.  We had a date scheduled with them, but had to cancel due to PP deciding to projectile vomit a lot the night before.  Every time we tried to reschedule, they blew us off, citing scheduling issues.   This couple is another reason that we prefer people who are parents.  A couple who had kids would not have been huffy about this.

• We’ve swapped with a couple, only to be blown off by them when we told them we wanted to see them again.

Veronica: We had one couple that did not want to see us after one swap, but they apparently had underlying relationship issues.  We also find that after the third swap sometimes people lose interest.  I think that sometime in the lifestyle people say that they want a long term couple, but are really looking for the constant “new”, and then after having sex a couple of times, it is not “new” anymore.

It is challenging, but we try not to take rejection personally.  When you are with other couples they could be having some relationship issues or other issues that we may know nothing about. Sometimes  after a dry spell or a bad date or some rejection I stomp my foot and pout about wanting to quit,  but I just brush myself off, take a day to lick my wounds and move on.

Whenever possible, we reject another couple as gently as possible.  No need to be insulting, right?  We feel strongly that every couple who contacts us at least deserves the courtesy of a response.  If it’s a couple we’re not interested in, we might say we’re not interested, or tell a little white lie [too far away, not enough time right now, etc].

There was one occasion where we had to be blunt and tell a couple they were bad in bed.  Not familiar with The Tale of Ned and Ann?  Look at the top of this page for that tab.

Recently, I told a couple we were not interested, but my timing really sucked.  I was chatting online with the male half of a couple who contacted us through one of the websites we belong to.  From their public pictures, they seemed like an attractive couple.  But while he and I were chatting, he gave us access to their private gallery, which included face pictures of both of them, and I reciprocated. Unfortunately, I didn’t think that she was attractive, and moments after that revelation, he asked if we would be interested in meeting for dinner sometime, and I declined the offer.  Coming right after I saw face pictures, the message was clear- I did not think that his wife was attractive.  Looking back, this was one of those times where a little while lie would have been better.

The lesson here is that while we feel that it pays to be direct and not lead a couple on, timing can be everything.

Veronica:  If this happens to you, tell them that the partner has to check the calendar and wait a few days to get back to them.  Then reject them.  Once again be polite.

As far as re-evaluating ourselves, I don’t think we’ve done that.  We’ve changed ‘the rules’ along the way and maybe questioned if we might have done something to turn a couple off, but we’re still who we are, you like us or you don’t.  And not everyone is going to like us, which is fine, though hard to believe

So while getting rejected sucks, it’s going to happen once in a while.  Be prepared for it, accept it when it happens, and move on.

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As always, readers comments are welcome.  For our readers in the lifestyle, what are your experiences with rejection?  Any horror stories to share?  We’re in need of suggestions for future editions of Swing Shift, so if you have any idea, please either leave your suggestion in the comments or e-mail me at hubman38 at gmail dot com if you’d prefer to remain anonymous to everyone else.

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