Swing Shift Volume 21- Different Strokes for Different Swingers

On Saturday I tweeted “I need suggestions for Mondays Swing Shift blog post. Any questions you’d like @VeronicaASM & I to tackle?” and a follower who I’m assuming wants to stay anonymous DM’d me this suggestion:

Swing shift: talk re: different types of swingers- those who play with lots o people vs those who are “exclusive” to 1 or 2 other couples?

In our experience we’ve come across couples that span the full spectrum, from those looking for the next one night stand to those looking for that special couple to have a long-term relationship with.

Veronica:  I think that there is a broad spectrum with swinging.  What I have found with some people is that they do not want a long term exclusive relationship with another couple because it is monogamy, and monogamy is not their preference.   I also think that the more time you spend with a couple, the more emotional attachments you form whether you are trying to or not and this can complicate things.

I find that perusing the ads that many couples claim that they are looking for that special couple or couples for a long term relationship, but I think that some of them are saying that so they do not appear slutty to the reader.

If you are going into swinging looking for a long term polyamorous relationship, chances are you are going to have to fuck a lot of frogs before you meet your polyamorous prince and princess.   If you want to play frequently, a monogamous relationship with one couple is probably not going to satisfy your needs.  The reality is that scheduling things between four people can be challenging enough.  Throw in the schedules of  childrens activities, assorted relatives and vanilla friends and you are realistically looking at being able to play once a month, at best on a regular basis.

Another issue you can run into is if emotional attachments are formed.   While Hubman would not mind if I became emotionally attached to the female half of a couple and hung out with her for shopping or fun girl times, he might have an issue if I formed a similar attachment to the man.  I might also have issues if Hubman wanted to hang out with the female half of the couple without me.  On the other hand, with some of our female playmates, Hubman and I are deeply attached to them, and while geography does not allow us to play as frequently as we would like, we still consider them to be very special to us.   This is where careful communication comes in.  The primary focus of a couple in the lifestyle or not, should be the primary couple.  Getting attached to another couple can cloud that focus if care is not taken in regular communication.

I’ve been delaying writing this all day, in part because of the plans I thought we were going to have tonight [it's a little after 8pm Sunday as I'm writing this].  We haven’t seen Paul and Sally since just before Labor Day, and we’ve swapped with them 3 times before.  Some of you might remember the line about us “we’re good people and we’re fun to fuck”- Sally said that about us.  Anyway, I really had my hopes that they would be able to come over tonight, but it seems that my hopes are going to be dashed.

Which brings me to the topic of this post, in a roundabout way.  In my experience, the best times have not been the first time with any partners, but the subsequent times.  The first time, you’re at the beginning of the learning curve, so to speak, of what a lover likes and dislikes, how she responds, etc.  So while I certainly enjoy the first time exploration with a new lover, I enjoy the slightly more familiar of subsequent times with a lover even more.  Which is where we are at with Paul and Sally- there is a familiarity with them, yet it’s still a fairly new relationship.  As we spend more time with them [hopefully!!], our friendship will grow, bringing Veronica and I closer to what we’re looking for, a true friends with benefits situation.

In the lifestyle, there are certainly opportunities for casual sex and one-night stands, which we’ve taken advantage of.  But I’d like to think that every couple we’ve swapped with has been with the hope that it was the start of a relationship, it just hasn’t always worked out that way.  Looking back at our past partners, I can’t think of one couple that we swapped with that we had no intention of ever seeing again.

When you get right down to it, ‘dating’ in the swinging lifestyle is really no different than ‘regular’ dating- there are men and women looking for one-night stands, friends with benefits, and even long-term loving relationships.

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Okay fellow swingers, share your thoughts, please.  We would especially like to know from our fellow swingers, what is your experience with this?  Do you think more swingers are looking for one night stands or short term relationships instead of a long term or polyamorous relationship?

Veronica and I are running out of ideas for future editions of Swing Shift, so please either e-mail me at hubman38 at gmail dot com or leave a comment with your questions or ideas.

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