Swing Shift Volume 26- Event Sex Vs. Everyday Sex

Rather than writing something about swinging this week, we’re writing an editorial together about an article we saw on Eden Fantasy’s SeXis website entitled “Yes, I So Rocked His World!” by Alisa Bowman as part of her Project: Good in Bed series.

Veronica: Alisa writes a comment about how she committed to rocking her husband’s world in bed.  She watched educational DVDs, gave herself a Brazilian wax and wore sexy lingerie.  She got her husband to come home for a nooner and did things to him that made him leave the toilet seat down for weeks.  In short, they had event sex.

We all know event sex.  That special, extra hot sex that we have for birthdays, anniversaries, vacations or if you get a really awesome promotion.    And while Hubman and I have had our share of event sex and love event sex, we wanted to speak to the joys of everyday sex.

I believe that while I do not go to bed with make up and sexy lingerie every night, I make the effort to freshen up in the evening and wear something pretty to bed (boy shorts, skimpy tank top).  I also keep some of my grooming from Hubman.  Sure I use a facial mask and pluck my brows and floss.  Does Hubman see this?  No freakin’ way.  I also only wear sweats on four occassions; I am going to work out, I am cleaning, I am deathly ill, or my period is two seconds away.  I do this to keep myself appealing and I know that Hubman does things too.  And guys, I cannot say enough good things about good grooming and smelling decent before getting into bed.

I used to tease Veronica for showering every morning AND night, until she explained that the night shower is “washing mommy off”, and I immediately understood.  That’s when she transitions from mommy to hot momma!

Veronica: Another thing we do is keep our bedroom for three things, sleeping, sex and getting dressed.  Once we moved the TV out of the bedroom, our lives got much sexier.  Our bedroom has the bed, candles and our dressers.  That’s it. [Hubman: And sex toys. Don't forget the sex toys!] We also do not let our kids in bed with us.  If one of them is not well, we will sleep in their bed with them, or set up camp in the living room, but our bedroom is our space.

We used to have a TV in our bedroom and invariably, one of us would get sucked into a show, leaving the other to drift off to sleep and consequently not having sex that night.  When we moved back to MA a few years ago, I broached the idea of not having a TV in the bedroom, which turned out to be one of my better ideas, IMHO.  So while I miss waking up in the morning and flipping on Headline News in bed [and oogling Robin Meade.  Yum...], I don’t miss it that much!

Hubman and I also like to keep things light and fun.  I tweet my underwear choices and the occasional request and Hubman will send me nekkid pics during the day.  I might text him what I would like him to do to me after the kids go to bed, he might text me that he is ‘thinking’ of me.   Foreplay can happen all the time.

It may be cliche, but for us it’s entirely true- cleaning can be foreplay.  While I like to think that I do my fair share of the work around the house, when I make that extra effort, Veronica notices.  One day last week, I noticed that the laundry hampers were getting full.  Veronica had one of her evening work meetings that day, so by the time she got home, the laundry was done, folded and put away.  Not just mine and hers, but the kids too.  My reward?

And yes, she did

Veronica: You also do not have to have sex everyday to have good everyday sex.  There are often nights when Hubman or I feels too tired, or in too much of a carb coma to have good sex.  We just kiss each other good night and I set my alarm about 15 minutes earlier the next day so we can  catch up and start the day right.

One of the reactions I had when I read the article by Alisa was “Is she going to want to go to those lengths all the time?”  Will it become a chore for her? And how about her husband’s reaction, will seeing the lengths that she’s gone to set up an expectation for rocking-his-world sex?  What’s going to happen when she determines that it’s rock-his-world night but he’s tired/stressed/whatever?

For us, a great sex life and even the occasional oh-my-God-that-was-AMAZING sex starts with the little day-to-day stuff, that in the long run seems easier for us to maintain.  Some people don’t like it, be we feel the adage “Foreplay begins when you finish having sex the last time and continues until you have sex the next time.”

As always, questions and comments are welcome.  We encourage you to visit the SeXis website and read the entire article for yourselves.  Maybe it’ll spark some discussion like it did for Veronica and I.

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We intend to return next week with a more swinging-oriented edition of Swing Shift, but need your help.  We started this column to answer your questions, so please don’t hesitate to leave a question or column suggestion in the comments, or e-mail me at hubman38 at gmail dot com if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

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