Swing Shift Volume 28- Diversity in the Lifestyle

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Jan 182010
 

A reader named Lojo [no blog to link to] left the following comment:

I’m not a swinger and have no interest in joining the lifestyle, but am curious about the types of people you come across.  You’re obviously an intelligent couple.  Do your “dates” tend to be like you intellectually? Socio-economically? Ethically?  Politically? Religiously?  It is such a foreign lifestyle to me that I’m curious.  Sorry if this is too intrusive, and maybe not an appropriate blog comment.

Before we attempt to answer the readers question, I’d like to point out 2 things- I don’t know that we’ve ever had a question that we consider too intrusive to answer and whether a reader is in the lifestyle or not [or even just interested] is irrelevant to us.  We’ve had questions from experienced swingers, newbies, people who are looking to get started, and the just plain curious.  The point is, anyone is welcome to comment or leave a suggestion!  Okay, on to the questions…

First of all, thanks for the compliment, thinking that we’re intelligent.  But as I tell people when they learn that I’ve earned my Ph.D., I’m not very smart, I just went to school for a really long time!  Seriously, we don’t care about “education” because we’re more interested in physical attraction and chemistry and besides going to school doesn’t necessarily make someone intelligent, so I don’t think it’s fair to say that our dates tend to be like us intellectually.  Besides, I know a some very smart people with no more than a high school diploma and a few Ph.D.’s who are idiots…

As far as ethics, politics, and religion, I can’t say what the swinging community is like.  Some might argue that partner swapping and casual sex among married couples is inherently unethical!  Politically, I would guess that swingers as a group are more left of center than the general population, but that is just a guess and I have nothing to support that.

In our experience, the swinging community in our area is pretty white- I can’t recall ever meeting a black couple at any parties or clubs and we’ve only met a few Hispanic couples.  But on the other hand, there seems to be numerous black men on the lifestyle websites we belong to, so I did a quick search.  Within the search parameters I used [just age and distance], there are 227 white couples and 100 single white men, compared to only 7 black couples and 18 single black men.  So I guess my initial impression about minorities in the lifestyle in our area was correct.  Don’t ask me why I think that swingers are more likely than not to be white, because I have no idea!

Veronica:  As far as the socio-economic question, I have found that most of the couples we have met in the lifestyle seem to be at least middle class.  It’s my opinion that to participate in the lifestyle you need a little disposable income.  Even though  all you need to get started is an internet connection and an email account, there is more to it.  First off, you need access to internet at home, as most libraries will not probably let you access the lifestyle websites there, and even if you can, in many libraries you need to use your library card to access the internet, which kills the whole privacy thing.  You can have free memberships at the different sites, but they do not give you as much access and privileges as the paying memberships.    At some point you have to go out on dates with people, which is not cheap either.  When Hubman and I go to a party hosted by our favorite group between the party fee, sitter, and gas, it is easily a $100 night, and that is before any special theme outfits are purchased.  We are going to an on-premises club this weekend, and it’s a $20 membership fee, a $25 application fee and a $90 fee to actually walk in the door for the party.   Then you have the ancillary costs of cute outfits and lingerie to wear and it’s not being a very cheap investment.

Hubman: I KNEW that someday Veronica wouldn’t be a cheap date!  Hahaha

Veronica: We have not spent enough time with any one couple to ask about religion or politics. Discussions of what we all do for a living happen, but not usually indepth.  We tend to not mention Hubman’s Ph.D a some people find this intimidating.

When we search for couples we usually look for ones that have the same interests as us, (no pain, safe sex, no drama,) so since they are on the same playing field there, we feel the ethics match up.

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What we’re left wondering is if our experiences are atypical or not.  I remember Southern Vixen writing a post, I think it was before she moved to WordPress, talking about people from all walks on life in the lifestyle- doctors, cops, teachers, academics, military, IT professionals, corrections officers, self-employed, marketing, etc.  Do any of you have any experiences different from ours?  Are we off-base with any of our impressions about those are who in the lifestyle?  As always, comments are appreciated, as are suggestions for future volumes of Swing Shift.  In you prefer to remain anonymous, just e-mail me at hubman38 at gmail dot com and I’ll keep your identity to myself!

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  • John and ann

    We have certainly met people from across the political spectrum. Somehow politics (especially over the past year and half), seem to come up in conversation far more often than religions.

  • kittykillkill

    That’s actually quite interesting about the stats on the swinging couples.

  • Sarah

    My question for next week is:
    How do you and Veronica balance couple time without other parties with your swinging activities?

    The reason that I am asking is that me and my partner have to work really hard to find time to go on dates (to museums, romantic landscapes, canoeing, dancing, etc.) and I don’t think that we could ever prioritize other (random in the sense that they are not active in the long-term in our relationship) people as much as we prioritize our time with each other.

    It seems from reading both y’all’s blogs that you guys rarely seem to go out without a swinging activity or strip club being involved. (For example, your trip to Vegas…) I’m especially interested in hearing from Veronica. Thanks!

  • http://hubmanshangout.wordpress.com/ hubman38

    John and Ann- for whatever reason, politics doesn’t seem to come up often as a topic of conversation at any of the parties we go to. Of course, that could just be my impression, since I tend to avoid political discussions in general, my occasional post on here notwithstanding

    Kittykillkill- I agree, I found it interesting too. But I’m not sure what to make of it.

    Sarah- that’s a great question and we plan on using it for next week. Thanks for the suggestion!

  • Mike

    From my perspective I would agree with your analysis of the “types” of people in the lifestyle. The caveat would be that you might find a more conservative crowd in an area of the country that is more conservative. But generally the people we have met are more left of center. I also would add that political and religious discussions can be divisive thus would kill the mood.

    Mike

  • http://topaz-gemology.blogspot.com Topaz

    Mood killers have got to go. They may all be great people with wonderful views, but you’re not looking for a spouse, are you, you’re looking for enjoyment. Maybe more serious discussion could happen, eventually, but unless that’s the case, I would think political discussions could rarely be seen as foreplay.

    Just my thoughts…

    • http://hubmanshangout.wordpress.com/ hubman38

      Thanks for the comment, I agree 100%! One of the worst parties we ever went to involved 2 of the women there sharing stories of past spousal abuse- talk about a mood killer!

  • http://britisstillshameless.blogspot.com Britni TheVadgeWig

    I agree that the swinging community tends to be pretty white. So does the BDSM community.

    In my experience, both communities skew more liberal, more respectful, and, honestly? Better people in general. Even if they’re not for YOU to swing/play with, they seem to be more open, accepting, and respectful.

    Obviously, those are generalizations. There are exceptions to every rule.

  • LM

    Hola from Spain,
    Two questions, one for SwingShift and one about politics….
    I recently read in another blog about the threesome experience between the female writer and a couple. At the beggining everything was ok, but little by little the couple began to forget that there was another person in bed with them…..How can you avoid this situation?
    I ask you this because we are thinking about a threesome….

    Second question: I am curious about the recently Senate election in your state and I would like to know your opinion. Here in Spain everybody (in newspapers, on tv) is saying is a vote against Obama…

    Gracias

   

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