Last week a reader who goes by the name Sarah [no blog to link to] left the following comment:

How do you and Veronica balance couple time without other parties with your swinging activities?

The reason that I am asking is that me and my partner have to work really hard to find time to go on dates (to museums, romantic landscapes, canoeing, dancing, etc.) and I don’t think that we could ever prioritize other (random in the sense that they are not active in the long-term in our relationship) people as much as we prioritize our time with each other.

It seems from reading both y’all’s blogs that you guys rarely seem to go out without a swinging activity or strip club being involved.  (For example, your trip to Vegas…)  I’m especially interested in hearing from Veronica.  Thanks!

Thanks for the question, Sarah!

I think that finding “together time” is a challenge for any couple, perhaps more so for a couple with young children.  For us, going on dates with others is just another part of that our life, sometimes it’s a high priority, other times it is not.

Veronica and I have always tried to maintain that spark in our relationship, to continue to “date” each other as long as we’ve been married.  I can remember living in New Hampshire 15 years ago and a summer “date” would be nothing more than walking to a nearby restaurant, heading over to the local bookstore afterward, then finishing the night with a stop at Friendly’s for an ice cream cone (Veronica: mmmm, Friendly’s) on the way home.  As the years have passed, the particulars of what we do on a “date” have changed, but wasn’t changed is that we continue to make the time for each other.

[Side note: The Poly Princess wrote a post the other day in which she mentions she and her husband finding some important couple time while wandering the aisles of Costco.  See, it's not just us!]

I can understand where a reader may get the impression that other couples and strippers play a big role in our date nights, but keep in mind that for as much as Veronica and I share on our blogs and through Twitter, our readers don’t know everything about us.

Veronica: This is true.  I mean does anyone really want to read about our trip to Best Buy where Hubman speaks intelligently about the electronics he has so thoroughly researched while I smile and nod?  I don’t think so.

Our trip to Las Vegas is a great example of how we can balance the naughty side of our life with the vanilla side.  Once the dates were set, a blog/swinger friend figured that she could join us for 2 of the 4 nights that we were going to be in Vegas.  It worked out perfectly- 2 days and nights of fucking with a good friend, then she returned home to her family while Veronica and I enjoyed 2 more days of just the two of us.  It was perfect.

Veronica: Yes it was.  Can we go back to Vegas now, please?

Our “typical” date night lately is similar to that.  She and I will go out for dinner to a restaurant, then spend an hour or two at a strip club before returning home.  To be honest, we spend more quality time together doing that than on one of our old dinner and the bookstore dates.  At the bookstore we’d go our separate ways and maybe not see each other until we decided it was time to leave.  At a club, we’re sitting side-by-side pretty much the entire time, chatting, flirting, kissing, touching, basically extended foreplay for once we get home.

Veronica:  Hubman and I have never gone in for “event” dates as we enjoy different events.  If I want to see a ballet, or some experimental theatre, or Kathy Griffin in concert, I just go by myself, and if Metallica is in town, I give Hubman a kiss and send him on his merry way.

For us quality time is what you make of it.  I find that we have some of our best chats in the car on the way back and forth from dates, whether its a swinger’s party or a trip to Best Buy.  Having the two of us in a confined space without the distraction of kids, tv, or internet leads us to having some good and important chats.   We also have our quality time after the kids go to bed.  Even with the computers booted up we still find the time to connect while also sharing information on what we are reading.

And every once in a while, we will both escape from work and have lunch together, which is a great way for us to connect.  And for me how we make the connection does not matter.  The only thing that matters is that we DO make that connection.

So Sarah, that’s how we’ve managed to stay connected and find that time together over the years.  I hope we answered your question [and didn't sound defensive in the process!].

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Whether you’re swingers, in an open marriage, or neither, is how we manage to find time to connect really that different from anyone else’s?  Your thoughts and comments are always welcome!

If anyone has a question or idea for a future Swing Shift, you can leave it in the comments or feel free to e-mail me at hubman38 at gmail dot com if you prefer to remain anonymous to my readers.