I do like generous and sexually festive too!
~Emmy

I remember having phone sex a lot back when AOL was popular. I’d chat with someone online and then we’d decide to talk on the phone. Well, I must have done this 50 times over the course of a couple of years and the thing that struck me most was how particular words have such a huge effect on people. It got to the point where I would literally ask which words were ok to say ahead of time because I found that one wrong word would often ruin the mood. I just assumed they liked to talk dirty since, after all, we were having phone sex! But “talking dirty” is sooooo subjective. They’d say… Don’t say slut, say whore. Don’t say cunt, say pussy. Do say cunt! NEVER say pussy. Call me a bitch, but never a whore… and on and on and on. It really was an amazing education in and of itself.

I for one embrace my better half as both a loving caring mother of my children and a filthy slut. And although we have yet to experience this fantasy in real life, if what we do and say in the bedroom is any indication, she will soon be a practicing, double-penetrated, cock gobbling slut.

I love you, you Sexually Festive pair!
With more sexually festive love,
SoVix

And I’m loving the word Sexually festive! ..

Yes, I think my husband is “traditional introvert” ..it’s hard to think of him that way because he’s not like that around me or his family/friends. But he is a large % of that.

We actually haven’t spoken to much about it ..and I kinda put my feelings out there and told him how I felt.. and if he ever wanted to explore that with me .. that I was willing and waiting. So ..um..?? we’ll see what happens!?

I know (from our talks) that he’s smart enough to see past the societal hang ups ..and that maybe the rules of monogamy need to be reexamined..but I also know (when I brought of the thought of being able to love more than one at a time) he doesn’t seem to believe in poly relationships working out without sacrificing our relationship.

So ..maybe by this being posted we can start up another conversation on this topic..?

Thanks so much for posting this!

But in this case it doesn’t sound to me like the problem is so much the term but rather, as V said, the implications of swinging and the concepts and beliefs he’s held for probably a long time.

First, this couple sound a bit similar to Vince and I in that it’s the female half of the couple that brought the idea up. In our expereience, this is VERY RARE. Most of the people we spoke with and asked questions of would’ve been very compassionate if I was the hesitant one, yet these same people often treat Vince as if he’s some sort of man-defective if he isn’t just leaping at the chance to start swapping partners as if his freakin’ leash had been snapped.

Also, I made the mistake V mentioned about springing the subject on Vince and yes, intensely hurt feelings was one of bad results. There were also a host of others but the biggest — and here’s where the slut part comes in — was the fact that in order to move the conversation forward, he had to change his mind on everything he ever believed and acted on about being a “good husband,” a man of integrity, all the while wondering what the hell happened to his wife.

She also said, “His thoughts/feelings on being a ‘Slut’ aren’t very clear and for some reason we’re having a hard time talking about it together..” Man, can I relate. This may have no bearing on the couple since she doesn’t describe her Mr.’s personality but if he is more of a “traditional introvert” it truly may be harder for him. Again, most of the men in the LS that we’ve encountered were the ones who suggested swinging and most of those were very expressive people. Vince simply isn’t like that and as his wife, it can be very challenging. Again, it doesn’t help for someone to say “he should be a better communicator” because that puts him on the defensive and makes the problem about “him” as opposed to getting the communication we both so desperately need. Vince doesn’t like to be out of flux, and conversations about the implications of swinging definitely put him on uncertain ground. I’ve found that when his communication isn’t clear, it’s because he’s in the process of changing an opinion, OR he knows it’s not what I want to hear and he doesn’t want to hurt/disappoint me, OR he really doesn’t know what he thinks about the topic at that specific moment.

One of these days I’m going to learn to write shorter, pithy responses but ’til then, I hope this adds another perspective to your already wonderful Swing Shift!

Ivey

Going back to what “society” thinks, a lot of people, but especially the sex positive community, seems to think that every man is secretly holding back his desire to fuck any woman he sees and is just waiting on his partner’s OK to act out the multitude of fantasies he surely has kept locked away and supressed. But, and this is big, that is not true of every man. I haven’t read the Ethical Slut, but I have read a lot of swinger blogs and others, I think a lot of emphasis is going to be placed on the label “slut” and not on the very important semantics of the word.

Sorry so long, but

Britni- generous is good

Amorous Rocker- you also make a good point about society and our perceptions about certain behaviors. What is “slutty” to one person is perfectly normal to another. As if normal is something that could be defined…

Veronica also thinks it’s hot when I call her a slut in bed. Especially when I’m in her ass

It is what you make of it. Society makes it a bad thing. It’s looked down upon to have a lot of sexual partners so people tend to see it as a bad thing. It’s another one of a ton of other subjective terms used to define people.

My boyfriend calls me a slut sometimes. That’s usually when we’re in bed though. It’s hot. So yeah, I don’t mind.

This was a great post.