I don’t think they come any worse than this one. Check out this comment I received about 2 weeks ago in response to my Marriage and Infidelity post from last June (someone was browsing the archives!!)
My wife and I married with the agreement we could both have sex with other people after our marriage. We had both felt slighted in our past relationships and didn’t want to get stuck in a passionless marriage again. Soon after our wedding we joined a swinger’s club in our area. Big mistake on my part. Why? Several reasons. Number one, my wife could find guys on a daily basis to have sex with, and even with her help in making me profiles and trying to make me marketable, we have tried for a year and haven’t found one woman interested in having sex with me. Within three weeks of our marriage my wife had sex with a guy she found on Yahoo. Several weeks later she had sex twice in a three-day period with the man next door. Another big problem with joining a swinger group, as far as from a man’s perspective: Most of the women advertise themselves as being bisexual. Often we see women go to swinger parties with their husbands, and soon after they arrive, the wives are off playing with other women, while their husbands are left all alone. So a word to the wise: If you are a man, you are going to quickly be left very far behind when you become a swinging couple. Then when your wife realizes how much more marketable she is than you are, since she is being pursued by bisexual women (even if your wife isn’t bisexual) and also other men, she will soon realize her need for you is limited. Then the husbands have no bargaining power, because they don’t have anything sexually to offer their wives. Yes, soon this marriage will be over, and hard lessons learned. I will just warn the men: You may love sex and want a lot of extra excitement, but it is a huge Pandaora’s box, with a lot of supposed promise, but very little delivery.
Good lord, what a mess. I barely know where to start.
The first thing that struck me is that is sounds like they made separate profiles and this was NOT something they were doing together. As we’ve written about before, single women definitely have the advantage over single men when it comes to finding playmates, so if I’m right about them doing this separately, it’s really no surprise at all.
Clearly, this couple didn’t have any discussions about boundaries if she’s banging the neighbor and leaving the husband alone while she goes off with others when at a swingers club. It’s obvious that she was much more interested in fucking others than she was in fucking others WITH him.
Veronica: Yeah, while we don’t have the whole story, I am thinking that this particular woman took “swinging” as “permission to fuck everything that moves”. These are two totally different concepts. Swinging is something generally done together. It sounds more like she wanted to venture off into hotwifing, and he was feeling left out and became resentful since he was not getting any.
This comment reminded me of an article in Self magazine last month. What? Shut up, it was Veronica’s!!! lol…
Veronica: I don’t subscribe, for some reason it’s randomly sent to the house.
Anyway, there was an article called Meet the Swingers that shared the stories of several couples. Almost immediately we could tell which couples were going to have issues. There was the couple that “decided to try a threesome to spice up their sex life” and “wanted to use the third person as a way to enhance our relationship”.
Veronica: While Hubman and I did want to have a threesome for fun and adventure, we were not looking for the person to enhance our whole relationship. I think you have to have the sexiness within your relationship in order to happily find the sexy outside your relationship. Its kind of like when your mom tells you that no one will fall in love with you unless you fall in love with yourself first.
How about the couple that admittedly had way too much to drink and the woman who had sex with a guy she wasn’t really into, then felt “pretty gross afterward”? Even better, there’s the couple were the woman admittedly took one for the team, “or I’d refuse, and we’d get into a huge fight.”
Veronica: I think the 1st time you are getting naked in a room full of strangers, a little liquid courage is needed. I am not really a drinker at all, but I will down a few jello shots at parties, since I can never say no to the really hot hostess. However at this point I could strip nekkid in front of a whole room full of people and fuck some of them with nothing stronger than a diet pepsi. If you need to drink to hook up, then perhaps you should not be hooking up.
The idea of ‘taking one for the team’ is so wrong that I can’t even begin to go there. You compromise with your partner on which movie to see, or perhaps which restaurant to go to, but if you are opening your cookie jar, you should be 100% happy with whichever hand is going in. I do think the ‘taking one for the team’ is more of an issue for women. If I am not really feeling the guy, I can get through the entire encounter and he would probably never be the wiser. If a man is not feeling the love, he is going to have a harder time hiding that fact (pun intended).
There’s another woman who said “A couple of the guys I wasn’t attracted to, but because we’d rented a hotel room- and my husband seemed excited about it- I felt I should just go through with it”. The thing that really struck with me about this particular couple was that while she could have sex with others, including couples, her hubby wasn’t even allowed to touch the other man’s wife! Talk about an inequitable situation, no wonder the guy violated their boundaries! Clearly he wasn’t happy about the arrangement!
Veronica: This couple clearly wasn’t communicating and had some very different ideas of what she wanted. I think that this particular woman did not really want to swing, but instead of saying “I don’t want to swing”, she tried to be passive-aggressive about it and make it as unenjoyable as possible for her husband.
At least the article ends on a positive note, pointing out the couples who benefit the most from swinging are those that have a secure marriage to start with! Hey, where have I heard that before? 
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There was more to the article, including some psychobabble about why women might consider swinging in the first place. But you know what the article never said or even implied? How about simply acknowledging that group sex, in whatever combination works for you and your partner, can be fun!
Veronica: And it was a bunch of babble. I think that there are some good girls who like to get fucked, some bad girls who practice celibacy. Since it is now 2010 can we stop linking a person’s “goodness” to how many people they fuck and when they fuck them and instead judge the “good” and the “bad” by how they treat people whether they are fucking them or not?
Personally I think I am a very good person. I am a good person that really, really likes to have sex.
I think that with Self being a pretty mainstream magazine they are not going to take the tack of “whatever floats your boat”, like a Cosmo might. I also wonder if Hubman and I should write the editor and send them the link to this post.
As always, we’re open to suggestions for future Swing Shift columns. We have one idea on deck but could use more, so feel free to comment here or e-mail me at hubman38 at gmail dot com.
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Blore
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http://pinkknotes.wordpress.com Caroline
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Sarah
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Chris
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kittykillkill
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Dee
