Maybe honesty isn’t the best policy

Tagged with: Adult Friend Finder, Open Marriage, Swinging

Aug 022010

A sort while after I got to San Antonio, I created a profile on a singles website, AdultFriendFinder. Veronica is cool with me finding a playmate while I’m away from home for over 2 months, so why not? Besides, I’ve encouraged her to continue to see any of our playmates back home, if she’s so inclined. She hasn’t yet, but based on a phone conversation the other day, I suspect that will be changing for her.

Part of my profile reads as follows:

Away from the wife for a few months, we’re swingers when I’m home, when we’re apart we each have the freedom to find friends with benefits. I’m not just looking for a booty call, I prefer to meet someone I can enjoy dinner out with, have an intelligent and witty conversation, maybe cap off the night with some naked fun.

It’s probably easy for a woman to say “yeah right buddy, of course she’s okay with it” and skip right past me, thinking I’m just another guy looking to cheat on his wife. I also wonder if my short stay is working against me.

The temptation is there to change my profile, make it sound like I’m a single guy new to the area. I can’t do that though, I’d never try to bed a woman under false pretenses. I’m really looking for something simple, just like my profile says. No pretenses, no long-term commitment, just some good company and if the chemistry is there, the willingness to follow through on that desire.

Am I asking too much? I don’t think so, but apparently I am.

================================================================

I go back and forth with my desire to find a playmate here. I think about asking Veronica to edit my profile for me, she’s so much better at that type of writing, which is why she’s in charge of our swingers profiles and I just take care of the pictures. But then I think, it’s no so long, I’ll be fine until I see her in 3 weeks in Dallas when she comes to visit so that we can celebrate our wedding anniversary together. And there is a blogger friend or two in nearby cities that have expressed an interest in meeting, with an eye towards getting naked together. It’s not like I’ll be celibate for 9 weeks.

Then I start thinking about the touch of a woman, kissing, hands exploring, the feel of a woman’s body against mine, all that good stuff. I think about Veronica and our 6 times a week (at least!) sex life when we’re together, and I just want to get laid, so I log back onto the website, send a few messages and get nothing in return.

You know what? Part of it is ego-bruising, plain and simple, getting rejected, no matter what the reason…

Be Sociable, Share!

http://playfullyyours.blogspot.com Playfully Yours

Hubman, it isn’t the honesty. It’s the liars that have made it hard for you. That is just the honest truth.
PY
http://confessionsofamarriedlover.blogspot.com Married Lover

PY is right. It’s not that you’re being honest. The ladies are just wondering how long after meeting that you’ll tell them “the truth”. I’ve had similar experiences from men whom I’ve met on AFF. Good luck!!
http://hubmanshangout.com hubman38

PY- yeah, you’re right, damn liars, making it difficult for those of us who are actually honest!

ML- I guess this is what I get for telling them the truth right up front. Though I did get one response from a woman last night, we’ll see if anything develops.
John

Gunman, have you considered trying you current approach on a different site like AshleyMadison?
John

Sorry that should say Hubman my iPod touch changed it for me I think.
http://blue-eyedvixen.com/ Vixen

I say you stick with the profile you have. Maybe V could help you spiff it up some, make it more appealing to women…. But I wouldn’t change the honesty part.

When I was active on AFF, I had a ton of men on a daily basis showing interest. Personally, for me, it was more about what their message to me said than about their profile. If I was wowed by their message, then I would more often than not respond to see if there was a click in there.

Good luck in your venture.
http://hubmanshangout.com hubman38

John- you know what? Ashley Madison doesn’t really appeal to me. And it has nothing to do with the cheating spouses bit, I’ve had sex with several married-but-cheating women. It has more to do with the practical issues that come with sneaking around, I don’t have time for that.

Vixen- Actually Veronica and I talked about that last night, I need to give her my username and password so that she can edit my profile. Part of the problem for me is that many women don’t reveal enough about themselves to find something to write to them about, their profiles are often quite superficial. I don’t want to just say “hey, you look hot, let’s get together and see what happens”, you know what I mean?
http://submissivekitten.wordpress.com Kitten

This may seem somewhat juvenile of a site, but I’ve found a few awesome friends and potential partners on okcupid.com. That hot couple? okCupid. The musician I wrote about on my blog? Same site. I’ve seen a lot of younglings like me (18-30), but I’ve also had quite a bit of older guys check me out.

You might have a better time there, as the site is catered towards relationships of all kinds. You can be single, or you can be in a committed relationship, but looking for short term dating (You’d show up as Available in searches).

Sites like AFF always turn me off, because of just how many fakes there are on the internet. okCupid just seems to have less of them, in my opinion.

Good luck with your hunt!
Someone’s Kitten
http://longingsend.wordpress.com mina

I know exactly what you are going through. I spent SO many days eagerly wanting to find “someone”. Course, when I finally did, that fell apart, but that’s just bad luck. So the person who commented about the liars spoiling it for a lot of people has some truth to it. I’m still wounded from my experience.

If the right person is out there, you’ll find them. You *may* not find that person and that should be ok. If it helps any, your ad would appeal to me if I were in the area. But then again, I am in my own out of the norm world.
~m

hubman – I echo what Vixen says about it being content of the message, not the profile that attracts me. As a woman, I never really had to go looking on AFF – I had the messages come pouring in. However, I just shut off my AFF profile for the time being after being berated by a gentleman I said ‘thank you, not interested’ to in response to his message.

I’ve found AFF to be a real crapshoot – wading throught he players and fakes. But once in a while, you meet someone worthwhile.

The first time I put a profile up there, I’d ended up with a great guy for a FWB situation – we just ring each other up now and again. Oddly, the last two times we got together it’s just been a couple of friends hanging out – no benefits. I think I need a beach date with him again soon.
http://experimentalcharlie.blogspot.com Charlie

Reading your ad through the eyes of someone who is married but has an open marriage (allowed to swing), I would say the only thing holding me back is trust. I would want to chat a bit and get to know you. Perhaps you could add something along the lines of, “Interested? We’ll get to know each other first via emails and phone conversations.”

I bet Veronica could think of something better that doesn’t sound lame. The key point is that you can’t expect a relationship (I prefer to meet someone I can enjoy dinner out with, have an intelligent and witty conversation) without trust. A woman would read your ad (which sounds awesome to me, and someone I would look for) but I would never trust your mere words without getting to know you first.
Maggie

What Vixen said. I think AFF especially requires you (as a male) to be very proactive and just keep trying. It worked for someone I know.
http://rtws.blogspot.com Emmy

Single men looking for a playmate seem to all have an uphill battle on any sights shared with swingers too (which AFF out here is more of a swinger site than a singles one). I have only ever responded to one message from a single guy, and that was because his message was clever, respectful and not aggressive. I was pretty impressed…too bad I wasn’t looking for a single guy. Though I did tell him if that ever changed, he was at the top of my list.

Hopefully Veronica’s touches will help.
http://www.redregioninferno.com/theinferno/ Inferno

AFF has more single males per couple/female than any other swingers site so the competition has to be insanely tough.
Women and couples who seek males on that site all get machine gunned with emails from single guys unless they live so far out in the sticks even the guys who havent had sex in a year are to lazy to make the drive.
Stopping by

See I should stop by more often…there’s a swingers site that might help out that seems to have a lot of members in the San Antonio, Houston, Austin and Dallas areas. Give couplestouch.com a try.

Have a great day.
Emme0704

I think your profile is great – and if I lived closer I would be emailing yesterday! I hope you get a few bites soon.
http://juliejezebel.blogspot.com julie

I’ve found OK Cupid (at least here in Austin) to be more openminded for the poly etc crowd. I think honesty is the best policy certainly.

I know little about SA, except that there are some fine places to eat. Good luck and enjoy Texas!