Apropros of Nothing

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Sep 032010
 

Who had the bright idea to put wheels on a bed frame?  Really, does anyone need it move a bed that often that it needs wheels?  Every time I sit up in bed with the laptop, inevitably the bed moves away from the wall, since for some reason the headboard is fastened to the wall instead of the bed…

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Some people might have noticed that Southern Sage disappeared from the blogosphere last Saturday.  His blog is deleted, his e-mail account is gone, so is his Twitter profile and Facebook page, from what I’ve heard.

I came across a couple of posts that seemed to be eulogizing him, like he’s dead.  Sure, the online persona known as Southern Sage is gone, but the man behind the pseudonym is still alive and kicking.  Assuming his wife isn’t that pissed about what she’s found…

Many of us blog anonymously for a variety of reasons, but the bottom line is we could possibly suffer personally or professionally if our blogs (and what we write about) were found, so we take steps to maintain that wall between real-life and online-life.  Whenever someone drops out of the blogosphere because they got caught, I find myself wondering about the steps I take to protect my identity and to keep my blog and my Twitter account secret from family and “real life” friends.

Am I the only one who does this?

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I guess today could be considered my blogiversary, as it was 2 years ago that I started the original Hubman’s Hangout on Blogger.  That one went away in Jan 2009 (because I got nervous about how much personal info I was disclosing, ironically enough) and I moved to WordPress.  Before I deleted that blog I exported it to an XML file and last night I looked back at those first posts.  I smiled when I realized that some of those first people to comment on my blog are still around and some have become good friends too.  Of course, it helped that Veronica had been blogging for several months by then and I was a frequent guest author on her blog, so people recognized who “Hubman” was when I started my blog.

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See that countdown timer at the top of the right sidebar?  Yup, 2 weeks from today I’ll be walking back through the front door of my home in Massachusetts, 10 weeks and 1 day after I left.  I’ll be taking a different driving route home and have tentative plans to meet as many as 6 blogger friends along the way.  I’ll also get a see a good friend for the 1st time in over a year, she’s one of those friends who commented on my very first post.  It’s gonna be a good trip!

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I wonder what happened.  I texted my date from last Friday night once on Sunday and again on Wednesday, just a polite “Hi, how are you doing?” and I haven’t heard anything back from her.  I could have sworn we had a good time together and she said she wanted to see me again…

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A reader named Sophi reminded me of this comic, apparently the typo in my Day 242 post was enough to get her to comment.

Thanks Sophi, it’s good to know I have readers like you around, eager to point out my mistakes…


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  • Just Me…

    Yeah, that wheels-on-a-bed-frame can be a huge pain… And often at the most inopportune times!!
    Congrats on 2 years!! :)

  • Beryl

    Well, it is a death of sorts. He was a large presence in our world and cyber or not, it was real in the sense that it impacts us. People can find confidence, concern, and sense of self efficay and awareness. In blogging they find, empathy affection and understanding as well. These may be intangibles, but the certainly affect the tangible.

    Sage was one of those people who found those two post blogs of people going through rape, or a divorce or their husband or wife cheating on them, or people with children who had learning problems and people who had money troubles. He didn’t just link. He was sure to make sure people got off their asses and made an effort. He did that because people are important to him. Pussy and cock? Sure. He loved talking about it, but he also spoke of hearts and minds and common sense. Is he dead? no…but does his absence leave a hole for many who knew him as if he were. Absolutely.

    He was a successful blogger because he gave a damn everyday. He made no excuses for who he was or what he believed. He may be testosterone ridden (what man isn’t, but he never fucked around.) And I want to make that clear because at some point his wife will read what you have posted here, Google is funny like that. I just want to make sure she gets a complete perspective.

    He earned the loyalty you hear here in my comment over four years of just being there. It may have been that he was “there” in cyberspace, but the hand that reached for me and by extension my family, extended into my real world as well and I’m certainly not the only one with this viewpoint.

    Beryl

  • T

    Amen Beryl. I was shocked to see his blog and all gone but I had some idea why. Isn’t it funny that we get THAT hooked on each other through these online personas?

    And yes, my ex-husband found my blog earlier this year. He wasn’t happy about it at all and asked me to take stuff down. I considered it and then decided… Hey, it’s MY blog. My words. My viewpoint.

    Then I made it even more anonymous than it already was.

    I talked to the ex about it again this week, coincidentally. I told him that I’d left it up but went more anon. He said he’s not that worried about it anymore. It was a girl he was dating at the time that found it. (WTF?) And apparently he’s not dating her anymore.

    Anyway, glad you get to be home soon. Enjoy the long weekend.

  • Emme0704

    I enjoy your little recap of ‘stuff’!

    I can’t believe it’s only 2 weeks away til your home again! Wow!! Pretty soon it will be single digits and then you will be home!

  • Elle

    Ohhh I didn’t know about Sage. Damn. Whatever trouble’s brewing in his world, hope it all gets better, soon.

    As for anonymity… Yes, I blog anonymously too. I’m careful to not leave too many personal details, such as my location. I Photoshop my tattoo out of every picture I take that shows it. I don’t mention my birthday, my name, friends’ names… I imagine that there are people out there who could find out who I am in a heartbeat, but I guess I’m not that worried about such a thing. What’s there to gain in “outing” me? And I don’t mind giving personal details, even disclosing who I am, to an individual, one on one.

    I’ve mentioned this blog to maybe 2 friends, way back when it started. And it was linked to some site BT was running, at one point, so I’m pretty sure these particular 2 friends saw it and figured it out. That was 2 years ago though and they have NEVER mentioned it. Do they secretly check it out once in a while? Maybe. But then, they are kinky friends so it wouldn’t be so bad. I’m just worried about them seeing me (and sometimes BT) nekkid, really. Otherwise I don’t think I’d mind them reading it. I am sometimes tempted to tell close friends, but so far have refrained from doing so.

    Family and work colleagues is another story, I definitely do not want them to see it.

    And if I was outed? Part of me feels like it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. It’s sex, deal with it! We’re all human.

  • http://anothersuburbanmom.blogspot.com Another Suburban Mom

    I occasionally worry about my anonymity, but I just try my best and hope that most of the people we work with stay technically unsavvy.

    I also hope that your friend texts you back soon.

  • http://adulter-us.com LambChop

    Yes, we blog anonymously, but use real pics of ourselves, so I sometimes think we’re walking the line. I don’t care so much for myself as I do for my partner. He has something to lose, I don’t. I only care that people will find out what a KINKYFREAK I am! ;)

    p.s. about the wheels, don’t they have a little flip-lock on them?

  • http://blue-eyedvixen.com/ Vixen

    I worry about anonymity to a very (very) small degree. I am honest about who I am and my life(style) to the majority of my friends and family. I ‘cover’ up the basics, but if someone REALLY wants to know who I am…yeah, they could figure it out. But I’m comfortable being like that. And I am fortunate enough to have that capability. That freedom.

    That is awfully odd that your date girl hasn’t ever responded! Esp considering things felt like they went so well!

    Oh. And wheels on a bed? …weird.

  • Mrs Southern Sage

    Hi everyone! SO glad that all of you are so freaking concerned about where my husband, the famous, SOUTHERN SAGE, has been! I very much enjoyed reading all of his private notes and seeing pictures-have never cried so much in my life. Yes–I had NO CLUE about his other life…we have been together since I was 15 and he 17–have two beautiful children and what I thought was an awesome and happy life. However last Saturday when all of his crap disappeared, my life was completely shattered. A girl that evidently he had slept with when he was 16 years old, that we went to school with, that evidently sees us regularly, decided to make up a Facebook page and email me about my “husband”. How nice of her huh? Well-of course I was livid about my husband, who I have been with for 21 years, and his “other life”. I have never been more devastated and hurt in my life. He “cancelled” all of his little blogs and such…not because I told him to-but because he wanted to–to ATTEMPT working things out with me. But, unfortunately, this person who told me of this….has some sort of vendetta against me or him or both….she has been harassing me, threatening me, saying the most vicious, horrible things you could ever imagine to me. We don’t know exactly who she is but since they had sex when he was around 16-there were not that many to choose from so we are pretty sure that we know her. SO SOUTHERN SAGE is just supposedly devastated that his family is completely shattered, thanks to him. He still lives here…but I see no way to work things out because I can’t get the reels and reels of comments that he has made to stop playing in my head. It’s funny-he swears on our children’s life that he has never cheated on me…but yet–I can’t believe anything that comes out of his mouth.
    So–ironically, I would LOVE for some of you, any of you, to help ME—I can’t make this pain go away and certainly can’t see us continuing in our married that, i believe, has been a lie for years….because how can you be living in the truth when you have a completely seperate life going on online??? i DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS and I am crushed! Maybe some of you can help ME!
    Sincerely, MRS SOUTHERN SAGE

    • Anon

      I wish we could all assure you that Sage was a “virtual friend” to many of us. I don’t know a sole that ever met him in person. He was always very respectful of his family and how much he loves you and your children. Many times he would joke about what he says on sites and how it is all play cause he would NEVER cheat on his family. We all knew that Sage was a family man above anything else and never disrespected any of us! We all trusted him to never over step any personal boundaries. He is married and we all trust/know that he is faithful to you.
      I am so sorry that you have to go through this, but please know that I along with many others that considered him a virtual friend would never think that he would do anything to jeopardize him family.

    • Just Me..

      Mrs. Sage – I know you are hurt because you think your husband was looking for something other than what he had at home. But, you are wrong about that. He always let it be known that he wasn’t looking for anything in the real world, that there he already had it all. Online, he was arguing politics, mostly. Did he post, comment or look at a pictures of pretty girls? Come on now.. Would you expect anything less? I mean, seriously.. The majority of the internet is like a high school locker room.. Tons of comments on the opposite sex.. Very little of it carries any weight at all.. From what I read on the blog, he is crazy about you, in a way that I think made many a little jealous…
      Look long and hard at the entire situation. All he did was what most men do in private, talk politics and pretty girls.. Is that really a reason to toss the last 21 years down the drain? Not from where I’m sitting.. I do hope you work this out. It would be a shame for you to let nothing more than talk ruin so much…

    • Holly

      Mrs. Southern Sage,

      I hope things are going a bit better for you now than when you first posted here on Hubman’s blog. (Hi Hubman! *wave*) I’d like to toss in my two cents if you are still tracking this thread…or Hubman if you have a way of forwarding this to her.
      I was blogging heavily about a year and a half ago. I don’t even recall how I found your husband’s blog, but since that time i Have stepped back for the blogging community a bit. My husband always knew I blogged and who I emailed, etc. He even read Sage’s blog here and there. When i basically quit blogging there were a few people who i kept in touch with off and on, Your husband being one of them. Today, when i went to check his blog and it was gone, I knew what had to have happened. It didn’t take me too long to find this post for confirmation.
      I feel like I am totally rambling on here, but what I’d like to say is that I can totally understand your pain and hurt and distrust. I would like to tell you something that happened between me and your husband though. We emailed back and forth here and there and realized that he visited the very city I live in on business (at least at one point) fairly regularly. We of course joked about meeting up, but he’d never let me know when he was here. He’d alway say after the fact that he’d been here. When I finally pressed the point, and assured him that I didn’t want anything but to share a meal with him and to say “hi” in person, he said, “Holly I know that, but if I ever actually met any of you in person, it would kill my wife if she found out. That’s not a risk i am willing to take.” (or something along those lines.) Knowing that if i did meet him, my husband would probablly be with me…and possibly my kids! He still wouldn’t risk it. He wanted to be able to say…he’d never crossed that line, never met anyone, never cheated. That floored me. Gave me a whole lotta new respect for him too.
      Maybe he did cross a line by blogging in secret. I suppose that is a breach of your trust. I can tell you that in everything I read he never talked bad about you….often praised you and seemed very happy and content at home. I don’t know if the man behind the myth is the same as the myth, but I know that the Sage we ‘knew’ online was a Southern Gentleman. He was alwyas there to lend an ear or offer advice. I’ll be praying for the two of you. You have quite a history together, and I hope an even better future!
      sincerely,
      Holly

    • lauren sullivan

      well…just so you know, you are very wrong about it being someone from when he was sixteen. Try way more recent. Like as recent as a year ago. You see, he dumped me for number 4! Yes, I’m bitter and angry. I have a one year old son with him and he hasnt seen him in six months because of his new “blog” girl in Tallahassee. Yes, you see..it became much more convenient for him to find a new piece of ass locally and our child is paying the price. Yes, you are stuck with quite a winner.

  • Anon

    Mrs. Southern Sage:

    I can only say that I’m truly sorry for your pain, what’s being done to you is not fair and cruel. All I can suggest, being a secret blogger myself, is that you trust in the relationship you’ve had for 21 years and not let it go so fast. If he cheated, he most likely would have come clean by now. People do not stay together for 21 years without true love. Don’t give up on your family. People who secretly have blogs do so because there is a side of them that wants to be wild but never cross the line. I honestly in my heart don’t believe Sage crossed that line ever. And before you ask, no I have never met him and he’s not a friend. I’m telling you this because I am guilty of what your husband has done. I have also said and posted things I would never want my spouse to see, not because I’m not in love, but because I get to say and post things without being afraid of any back lash, jealousy, or things like that. Sometimes I get to be someone other than me and it’s a change that made me feel good. Is it wrong to keep such a secret, my answer is yes. Should it destroy a family and a 21 year long relationship. Hell no !

    I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive your husband and find a way to be happy again. And as for the bitch who is attempting to wreck your life and family, what goes around comes around, she’ll get hers someday.

    Good luck.

  • http://iveylane.blogspot.com Ivey Lane

    Mrs. Sage,

    I don’t know if you are still reading this thread but I sincerely hope so. I was not one of your husband’s friends, but we did exchange and email or two (very benign) and I read his comments on other blogs. To say that he and I are political opposites is an understatement of biblical proportions. But when we did exchange a letter or two, it was respectful, humorous, lighthearted, and in a positive way, most delightful. Hopefully all the things you loved about him for all these years.

    That said, please add my voice to those who want to offer whatever I can to help alliviate your pain that this secrecy and betrayal has caused. My husband and I share our life through my blog, but from the rest of the people we know in person, we keep it hidden, private. This world of blogging, especially those who do so in secret, is a strange thing. We want to share part of ourselves with the world that isn’t generally accepted, but part of us none-the-less. What I’ve learned here is that everyone is complex and often wonderful in a unique way. You do know Sage, far better than anyone out here. The person you know is exactly who he appears to be. You are not wrong. You are not blind. You are not, in any way, not the focus of his life, or his passion. We are figments; live players in a virtual world. You and your family are his real world. We simply got to see a part of him that exists that for whatever reason, he felt was okay to present here, but could not present “at home.”

    While I do not know what your future holds nor would I be so bold as to offer advice, I sincerly hope that if there is a path out of this that you are able to make it together. Twenty-one years is a long time but 41 would, if you want it, perhaps be even better. If you can find it in your heart to love this other side, to forgive his betrayal of separating himself from you through his online Sage personna, I think you may end up wiht something wonderous beyond your wildest dreams.

    All of us, in trying to carve out an authentic life from the pieces we have, make mistakes. Big, fat, painful mistakes.

    We don’t know each other Mrs. Sage, but whatever love you can accept from a stranger in this difficult time, please know that I offer it to you.

    Sincerly,
    Ivey

  • longer lashes

    Ohhh I didn’t know about Sage. Damn. Whatever trouble’s brewing in his world, hope it all gets better, soon.

    As for anonymity… Yes, I blog anonymously too. I’m careful to not leave too many personal details, such as my location. I Photoshop my tattoo out of every picture I take that shows it. I don’t mention my birthday, my name, friends’ names… I imagine that there are people out there who could find out who I am in a heartbeat, but I guess I’m not that worried about such a thing. What’s there to gain in “outing” me? And I don’t mind giving personal details, even disclosing who I am, to an individual, one on one.

    I’ve mentioned this blog to maybe 2 friends, way back when it started. And it was linked to some site BT was running, at one point, so I’m pretty sure these particular 2 friends saw it and figured it out. That was 2 years ago though and they have NEVER mentioned it. Do they secretly check it out once in a while? Maybe. But then, they are kinky friends so it wouldn’t be so bad. I’m just worried about them seeing me (and sometimes BT) nekkid, really. Otherwise I don’t think I’d mind them reading it. I am sometimes tempted to tell close friends, but so far have refrained from doing so.

    Family and work colleagues is another story, I definitely do not want them to see it.

    And if I was outed? Part of me feels like it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. It’s sex, deal with it! We’re all human.

   

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