Swing Shift Volume 38- Crisis Averted

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Sep 272010
 
While the lack of encounters is partially my fault, its hard to listen to him talk about going out and having fun with a hot chick, while I’ve been doing laundry and helping someone with the finer points of wiping
I saw that in a chat between Veronica and a mutual friend and thought “oh crap”
I’ve written before about how sometimes I feel a little guilty that I’ve had more solo fun than she has.  That’s been due a combination of my work-related travel (and the opportunities that presents) and her honest lack of desire to play with others without me.  But sometimes the little voice of doubt speaks up and then gets quite loud when I see something like what she wrote.
So I sent her an e-mail:
Hi sweetie,
I was in your e-mail and looking at chats, since you mentioned blah blah blah and noticed this line:

“While the lack of encounters is partially my fault, its hard to listen to him talk about going out and having fun with a hot chick, while I’ve been doing laundry and helping someone with the finer points of wiping”

I asked you several times, most likely after each time I saw someone, if everything was okay with you, and each time you assured me that it was.  Is there anything we need to talk about?  If you weren’t comfortable with me playing with others while I was away, I wish you would have said something.
love you!
me
She quickly replied:
I was comfortable with you seeing people, I was just kind of sad and feeling sorry for myself when I wrote that as I had had a rough day with work and the kids.

If I didn’t want you to see people I would have said something.

A short while later we spoke on the phone (this was during the day and we were both at work) and she reaffirmed that the chat with our friend took place after a frustrating day at work followed by another evening of solo-parenting 2 kids and that I had nothing to worry about, that she was, and continues to be, perfectly comfortable with my playing with others.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again- open and honest communication is the key to a successful open relationship!
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It’s been over 5 months since we last wrote a Swing Shift column and while I didn’t set out for this to become one, it seemed appropriate after I drafted it.
Thoughts, comments, suggestions for future Swing Shift columns?  Don’t be shy, we’d be happy to resurrect Swing Shift if there’s interest!
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  • Coyote Too

    I’ve seen this be an issue for a number of couples, particularly where one is distant and the other has the kids or other responsibilities. It’s not specific to swinging or even sexual activities; it’s jealousy of free time. When one partner has time to go hang out and have fun, and the other is tied up with obligations, there’s bound to be some resentment. It’s not logical–sitting around doing nothing, just because your distant partner has no free time, doesn’t make sense–but it does have emotional validity. Also, it can build up, since she’ll feel a combination of resentment, and then guilt for resenting.

    Can’t say I have a solution (frequent communication both helps and reminds :/), but good luck!

    • http://hubmanshangout.com hubman38

      Fortunately for us, this was a short-term situation. Veronica and I only play separately when we’re apart, normally we only play with others together. If you recall, I was away in Texas for 10 weeks and it was during this trip when I had so much free time and the freedom to pursue other playmates that this issue arose. Now that I’m home again, it’s become a moot issue.

      Thanks for your comment!

  • John and Ann

    We would certainly be pleased to Swing Shift return! I’m sure that we will offer suggestions and questions if it does.

  • http://www.dustbunnyinthewind.com nitebyrd

    Whether the marriage is open or not, honest communication is really important. It’s really good to know that you and Vernonica have that.

  • blore

    I had been wondering, actually, whether there was a Swing Shift in the fact that the two of you went from a rich and full sex life to relative abstinence on your part and (as far as we know) complete celibacy on her part. How bad was the cold turkey?

  • Matt

    Brenda and I have found that not only does swinging depend on open and honest communication, it also works the other way around: swinging (or more generally, sexual exploration of any kind) is an awesome vehicle for helping us discover our own feelings and assumptions. The discussions that arise might never arise otherwise, and we love how digging up those topics help extend our trust more and more. I’m willing to bet you and Veronica have experienced the same thing!

   

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