The Slow Unicorn

Veronica: Well baby that date was a bust

me: I’ll say! When did you first think that it might be a code-word type of night?

Veronica: When she took off her coat and I saw the nana-style cardigan, what about you?

me: When she was still outside and I saw her walking towards the restaurant!
My first thought was, uh-oh is that her?

Veronica: I did not get the best look at her walking in. What really sealed the deal was when she talked about the Reiki stuff.

me: Before we talk about that, should we remind our readers what we mean by code word?

Veronica: We should. Readers, we have a rule that if either of us feels that the magic isn’t going to happen, that person utters the ‘code phrase’ which lets the other know.
I think however you jinxed us as you asked about setting up an ‘invite her home’ codeword on the way there

me: Oh sure, blame it on me!

Veronica: Well since things are usually my fault, I figured why not?
This chick was really every bad stereotype of a single woman rolled into one.

me: She was. When we got home, I looked at her profile again. Tell me, does this sound like the woman we met?
38 yrs old, 155-160 lbs, auburn hair (For the reader: She was at least mid-40s, 20 lbs heavier and gray-haired.)

Veronica: Um, no. Her profile also did not mention that she had 5 cats

me: LOL no it didn’t!

Veronica: I was also waiting for you to roll your eyes back into your head when she started talking about sending the ‘bad energy’ into the earth via a running stream.

me: Now I’m pretty open minded, whatever helps you get through the day. But when she started talking about taking other people’s negative energy and releasing it back into the Earth, I wanted to say “are you shitting me?”

Veronica: I know. When we talked on the phone, she mostly talked about her car troubles and her mom, so I thought she was cool and compassionate. But then she mentioned how she buys her mom depends! I think that the phrase ‘depends’ is definetly a cock melter.

me: Yes it is!
I guess we should explain the slow reference in the title
Did she do anything fast, or even at a normal speed?

Veronica: No. And granted we are people who like a faster pace, but she was the slowest eater in the world.

me: Eater? How about all of her movements? Talk about slow and deliberate!

Veronica: I know. That did not come out during the phone call. I am sure that she is probably very thorough, which could be a good thing, but I might have ended up falling asleep before we finished having sex.

me: Anything else we can pick on, or have we said enough?

Veronica: I think we have said enough. I don’t want to be too mean. She was a nice woman.

me: Yes she was. She’s obviously spiritual, in her own unique way, and is dedicated to taking care of her of elderly mother.

Veronica: Yes she was. I am sorry that things did not work out. I had high hopes. Back to the hunt!

me: And in the meantime, we have each other!

Veronica: Yes we do baby! I love you!

me: Alright, before we overwhelm our readers with sweetness, lets wrap this up.

Veronica: Overwhelm- don’t you mean, make them barf

me: LOL yes!
We got a “thanks, hope to see you guys soon” text from her. How are we going to reply?

Veronica: I sent a text telling her we had a lovely evening and sent her a ‘muah’. I will send her an email this weekend letting her know the chemistry just is not there

me: Sounds good to me. Direct without being mean or insulting

Veronica: Exactly. There is no reason to be rude.

And now you know why I tweeted “It’s a code word kind of date” last night!