I AM the sanctimonious assbag!

I saw her comment in my RSS feed. Didn’t put it together until now that she was talking about you. It does seem bizarre and manufactured. Who knows. People get weird!!

I’m sorry to hear you lost two good blogger friends over this

It’s a shame that this got so out of hand.. cause we all know Sage and I think he would be the first one to say ..

“enough.. let it go. I ain’t worth arguin’ over”

Gotta agree with Jen and Emmy.. Done is done is done..

And we know you’re a sanctimonious assbag, but we love you anyway!!

Well I guess this makes me Mrs. Sanctimonious Assbag!

Before I get too deep into my comment, I want to take a minute to thank all of you who commented to us, both privately and publicly.

Your outreach and love is one of the reasons I continue to love blogging.

I am usually a very even tempered person but these attacks on you have infuriated me.

First off, if VK LUUUUUVED Sage as much as she claims to than she should be doing anything in her power to avoid causing his loved ones pain.

If you read Mrs. Sage’s comment to Hubman’s original post, she was not upset that Hubman wrote a post talking about the eulogizers; she was pissed about the eulogizers.
Seeing posts attacking Hubman continues the mourning and cannot be helping the healing process.

I am also annoyed with Hubman being referred to as a ‘middle aged stalker dood’. I am 39 and Hubman is 40. We are middle aged. Fine. But she is not that much younger than us and I resent her attempts at making herself sound like a 22 year old coed (who has a college aged son) who is being stalked by someone 2x her age.

Also, we do not stalk her. We don’t follow her blog, but people are compelled to mention to Hubman every time she writes an attack post and since we are human, we look. And yes I have spent time today reading her posts. I wanted to try to understand this woman who hates someone I love so much. And I can’t.

Also, she has written FIVE posts to date that attack Hubman or say derisive things about him. He has written one to set the record straight. I don’t think one post to set the record straight would count as obsessive or stalkerish on anyone’s planet.

VK was incensed and infuriated that Hubman mentioned Sage a whole week after he left the blogosphere. However, Miss Kitten waited nearly SEVEN weeks after Hubman’s tweet to write her most recent attack post. I am not a fancy mathematician, but seven weeks seems a smidge longer than seven days.

I try to avoid blog drama. I really do. I am dreading the comments and attacks I am opening myself up for by speaking in Hubman’s defense.

However I cannot sit idly by while he is being reviled, taunted and bullied by someone that we used to consider a friend.

I also wonder if any of her followers will read this and wonder if she will turn on them one day as quickly and viciously as she has turned on Hubman.

I am also taking this space to apologize to Mrs. Sage. I never intended for anyone to know about our correspondence as I felt that it was a private matter between the two of us. However, Hubman is my husband and out of loyalty to him, I did give him permission to mention our correspondence in this post. I am hoping you will understand and not be upset with me or Hubman because of that.

But after this post we are done. If VK or her friends continues to insult either of us, please do not tell us. We do not want to know.

Also, do not waste your breath trying to comment on our behalf on her blog. She will never let those comments see the light of day.

WHEW!

You know, you and I have had our differences of opinion on occasion, but I believe there has always been a mutual respect for those differing opinions between us. You’ve called me on my “shit” – I’ve called you on yours.

I was EXTREMELY bothered by the fact that *I* left a comment (not attacking, but presenting a different perspective) on Vixen Kitten’s blog and was “moderated” (i.e. not published). This was the comment I left:

Ahhh … comment moderation … that explains a lot.

This nonsense just makes you look silly …

I have ZERO respect for those who blog and comment without gonads. There seems to be this childish notion that you can “get someone” by insuring no traffic is sent their way. Pffftttt! Have the personal integrity to allow people to fact-check what you are saying, because if you don’t, it just looks like you aren’t being honest.

Vixen Kitten lacks integrity.

You do not.

Keep Calm and Carry On!

I have to say I wasn’t a follower of Sage or of Vixen Kitten – just never entered that part of the blogosphere very often. Seeing this particular high school drama playing out one would assume that we were dealing with a teenage girl having a giant temper tantrum.

I am amazed how the anonymity of the internet allows grown adults to act in such mean, immature and absolutely ridiculous ways.

Hubman and Veronica – clearly VK has revealed who she really is and that’s not someone you need to even be concerned with.

Good Lord! Veronica and Hubman, I follow you guys on twitter and read your blogs….and happen to like doing so. I don’t know (or care to for that matter) the other blogs involved here. That said….

Crazy people love to spread their crazy around.

To heck with VK and the related cronies. And thank goodness we don’t have to spend our lives trying to get everyone to like us.

Wow. I’d never read any of the posts you mentioned before this but now that I have feel an overwhelming urge to go take a shower. How nasty and bizarre — childish, profane name calling, derogatory comments about your looks, your family and people who like you, way over the top reactionary, ad hominem up the wazoo. It’s like a wierd high school time warp. But it does speak to the source who reveals herself to be a mean-spirited, childish, hyper-sensitive, imature idiot — the only rational conclusion one can draw after reading her rants.

I know you don’t need me to say this, but I like you both. I enjoy your blog. You’re earnest and open. I’m proud as punch to be considered your friend.

All the best,
Ivey

Lois,

I am actually stunned I’m writing this. But, what the hey.

As someone who has, shall we say, a less-than-harmonious relationship with hubman, you would think that I would first in line to cheer you on. Which makes the fact that you managed to be so far wrong that I feel the need to stand up for hubman all the more remarkable.

You have no right, whatsoever, to speak for “most of us.” In the insular, compartmentalized community we live in, no one has any right to tell anyone what everyone thinks, because you don’t know.

But, in a bigger sense, bullies like you are the reason that most people aren’t willing to talk about their sex lives at all, let alone with the frankness that this couple has chosen to do so. The most toxic feeling in the world is in being alone – and the more people like you try to marginalize people like this, the more you poison the world as a whole. That you would choose to punish the courage that hubman and Veronica have chosen to have by being honest about their history by using it against them is nothing short of despicable. And, what makes it worse, you are also lashing out at them for trying to materially make someone’s life better by puncturing the psychological isolation a woman in pain us going through.

You are so focused on some arbitrary latitude and longitude of “justice” that you are trying to shred people’s lives. It takes a lot more courage to open up to a person in pain and help them sort through it, and to be the wigged judge in silk robes declaring the LAW, wherever you found it, must be enforced. And it is even more deeply arrogant for you to assume that Veronica MUST be miserable, just because you WOULD be.

Take a step and examine your life. Where does this anger to lash out at someone really come from? Something like this can’t really be about these two. And they certainly don’t need to suffer for your problems.

Every person deserves be treated as a human, and someone that is not alone. Every person deserves to feel understood. It’s morally wrong to let your fixation on a predetermined outcome lead you to disregard the humanity of others.

-S

Isn’t this just a fine mess?

I’m sad, hurt, surprised and disappointed by all parties. Not that anyone might give a shit about my feelings or opinions but I do feel the need to comment. This same comment is going to both involved blogs.

What happened to Sage was terrible. Being “outed” hurt not just him, but his wife and family. Was he wrong to blog without his wife’s knowledge? Yes, No, Maybe – it’s not my place to condemn or condone. I enjoyed reading his blog. He was friendly and helpful but he was never salacious to me. In the small world of blogs I read, I did notice that there was uncommon jealousy of Sage. But there is a lot of jealousy between men who blog and have a largely female readership, in my opinion. As I only knew Sage, as I only know the majority of people I read, through their blogs, I can only say that I thought he was a good, kind, intelligent, caring, man. I think that of many bloggers and when I don’t, I quietly stop reading their blogs. Because who really is going to give a rat’s ass about my opinion when they already have their own, unless they are weak and/or sheep-like?

When Hubman wrote in his “Apropos of Nothing” post about Sage, I didn’t think he was telling me I was stupid. I knew that Sage, the man, was alive and that he was NOT totally his blog persona. I did think it was inappropriate to say that Sage was being “eulogized”, because I didn’t feel that at all. I also felt his timing was off and that the comment could have been left out. But, it’s Hubman’s blog and he can say what he wants. We can agree or disagree, comment or not. Vixen Kitten had an extremely strong reaction to the comment and she said so without holding back. At the time, I felt her reaction was over the top but again, it’s her blog. Now, if someone called me a “Sanctimonious Assbag”, I’d probably leave a comment on their blog and not visit again. Why bother? The blogger obviously doesn’t like me and that’s that. Hubman didn’t leave it alone, which is his right. I was one of the people he emailed to ask if I knew he was the assbag. Probably because I read and comment on his and Vixen Kitten’s blogs. I was surprised because I’d never heard from Hubman before and he really never commented on my blog, I had no idea if he ever read it. I didn’t think Hubman was a “Sanctimonious Assbag” but I knew VK was referring to him. It never occurred to me to tell anyone else, in case they didn’t know. Wouldn’t that be juvenile? Because I like both Hubman and Vixen Kitten and because I could understand both sides of the argument, I didn’t want to “choose sides”. You might figure I’m wishy-washy or too stupid to make a decision but I’m not. Think what you will. The Hubman and Vixen Kitten posts prompted a vile post regarding Sage from Dana at Amid Life’s Crisis. Dana was a blogger I was just beginning to read. After her post about Sage, I made an immediate decision to no longer read Dana’s blog. I just stopped, no comments, no lashing out, I just dropped her off my blogroll. That’s my way. It might not be right but that’s the way I do it.

Now, however it appears I have to choose. Not only do I have to choose Hubman or Vixen Kitten, but the comments I’ve read on Hubman’s blog have given me pause about several other bloggers I read and respect. In my opinion, Vixen Kitten should allow all comments – good, bad, indifferent – on her blog. However it’s her choice and not mine to say if she’s right or wrong. As I said before, I’m sad, hurt, disappointed and confused. It’s not usual for bloggers to attack their own so viciously and outrageously. How can anyone who is a blogger or reader not be affected?

Lois,

cf. your comment:

Read this, Veronica: MOST PEOPLE THINK HUBMAN IS AN ASSHOLE AND THAT YOU’RE PATHETIC!!!! Personally, I feel sorry for you. Most of us do.

Two points:

1.You did, in fact, say “most of us.”

2.Arguing that you didn’t say the precise words, when it was the plain intent of your comment, is a specious, Clintonian hair-splitting at best.

If you’re going to be disingenuous, I’m all out of time for you. I’m not offended that you have a contrasting opinion, but if you can’t even have a little intellectual consistency, or offer a comment of any substance whatsoever, we’re finished talking. My nose won’t pick itself, and it’s a better use of my time.

-S