Last week I was e-mailing back and forth with a blogger friend who along with her husband is relatively new to swinging.  She brought up a situation that elicited some unexpected emotions, so with her permission I’m posting our exchange (she requested to remain anonymous).

So, there’s a swinger’s question for you… do you and Veronica always swing together or do you get to play on your own as well? How about Veronica? Does she have playmates that she can see without you? Have you two always met each other’s playmates before any playing occurs? We got together with A&B from the Christmas swinger’s party last weekend, and B (girl) had crashed and J was on the verge of crashing. A and I were still playing. C didn’t feel comfortable letting us continue while he went to bed (they had a spare room, where we were going to be staying), so he stopped us. A went upstairs to join B, and C and I went to our room, where I at least got some of his cock.

C’s uncomfortableness that night brought up a discussion about how he doesn’t think he’ll ever feel comfortable letting me fuck someone else without him there. There are just too many things that could go wrong. yada yada yada.

I found this way more upsetting than I probably should have.

Since you’ve been in the lifestyle longer than we have, I’m curious about your take on this situation.

The part of my response about Veronica or I playing alone isn’t relevant, here’s the part that is

The situation with A&B, it sounds like a scenario came up that perhaps you and C hadn’t considered yet. Veronica and I have 2 cardinal rules in swinging- respecting boundaries and no taking one for the team. C is your hubby and you HAVE to respect his feelings, if he’s not comfortable with something, it’s okay to discuss it (some other time than in the midst of play), but don’t push it or ask him to do something or allow you to do something. Give it time, Veronica and I have found that our boundaries have shifted the longer we’ve been open, as the travel stuff indicates. Maybe C will get to a place where he’s comfortable with separate play, but maybe not, and you have to be ready to accept that.

Veronica didn’t chime in on the original e-mail exchange, so she’s taking the opportunity now

Veronica: When Hubman and I started swinging we had a lot of rules.  Now we have very few. Having an open marriage requires a lot of trust and communication, and while you can’t anticipate every issue (although if you read all 40 volumes of Swing Shift before you dipped a toe into the lifestyle you might) you need to be able to set your basic rules and then have regular discussions about them.

For us playing alone, that opportunity came about due to Hubman’s work travel.  When we first started playing I was not at all comfortable with the idea of Hubman’s playing alone, but now I enjoy hearing about it and encourage his adventures.

How did we do, dear readers?  Any thoughts that you’d like to add for this couples consideration?

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This is where we ask for feedback- do you have experiences you’d like to share? Disagree with anything that we’ve said?  Have we overlooked anything that you’d like to point out?  That’s what the comments section is for, so don’t be shy!!

Swing Shift started in June of 2009 in response to questions we received from readers interested in swinging and open relationships.  When we started swinging we had on-line friends who were our mentors, helping us navigate the open waters.  These posts are our way of paying it forward and sharing our lessons learned.  If you have a topic suggestion or question for a future Swing Shift, contact me at hubman38@gmail.com and indicate if you’d prefer to remain anonymous or not.  The full archives can be found here.