April was the first to voice her concern:
What happens if her husband finds out? I’m so not judging or picking on you, I’m just curious to know how you’d handle that situation. Say he finds out who you are and calls you. What do you say?
T shares April’s concern:
Yes, I’d be curious to the answer to April’s question too.
Charlie takes the pessimistic when, not if, point of view
It would drive me mad, worrying about when the husband will find out.
These comments all came in response to Advantage, when I first introduced Katie. This is something that Katie and I have actually talked about, she’s had a couple of other partners before me, but each of those were men were 1- or 2-time things, I’m the first man that she’s having an extended extra-marital relationship with.
I certainly don’t want her to get caught, both for my own purely selfish reasons (hey, I like her a lot and she’s really good in bed!) and because I don’t want to cause trouble in her home (yes I know, I could just not be fucking her behind her husbands back. Shut up). I never text her when her daughter or husband might see it and I’ve made sure that her hubby doesn’t have access to the account she uses to e-mail me. She does have a social life with friends and coworkers that her husband isn’t part of (he’s not interested, part of the underlying problems between them), so it’s not really unusual for her to go out for a few hours some evening with “friends.”
Unlike Charlie I don’t think it’s a matter of when, but if we get caught, hopefully we’re careful enough that this is just a hypothetical discussion.
But let’s say Katie and I do get caught by her husband, what would I do? I think the angry husband confronting the man who’s been fucking his wife only happens in TV and movies, I’d be shocked to find him at my front door. And if I’m wrong, I’d play dumb, which some of you might think isn’t too much of a stretch for me.
Katie and I have never had a phone conversation, if I saw an incoming call from her you can be damned sure I’d let it go to voice mail. Generally speaking if I get a call from a number that’s not programmed into my phone, I ask who’s calling before I confirm who I am, so I’m not really worried about that possibility. “I’m sorry, you must have the wrong number, goodbye.”
Back to the question of what would I do if I was confronted by him? Part of me thinks that I’d take the “I think this is something between you and your wife” approach. Did I know she’s married before we got involved? Yes I did. And I also know that she created a profile on Ashley Madison and she contacted me, facts that I would remind him of.
But honestly, I don’t really know what I’d say, probably something about being sorry to cause him pain but that with all due respect, this is something that needs worked out between him and his wife.
What do you think, dear readers? Have any of you been caught in an illicit affair and if so how did you react? I’d love to hear from someone who found out that their spouse was having an affair, what would you say to me?
