The Break Up

Sep 172011

I’m not very good at it.

Frustration had been building in my relationship with Katie. She was consistently turning down opportunities to get together but also saying how she missed spending time with me. Basically she was becoming more emotionally attached to me and starting to feel used when we just got together for sex.

There’s more to it than that, but I don’t want to go into any more detail. I decided that it was time to call it quits with her.

I knew she was at work and wouldn’t be available to talk, so I texted and asked her to call me that evening when she had the chance. I wanted her to hear it directly from me, not from a text message or email.

She responded “Ok”, then never called.

The next day I got an email from her. Out of the blue she asks me if I’ve ever considered that she might be uncomfortable having sex at my house.

Excuse me? That’s the only place we’ve ever had sex!

Most of the time, we would take advantage of Veronica not being home. On several occasions though, knowing that we wanted to spend some alone time, Veronica would offer to leave for a while so Katie and I could have fun. Pretty generous of Veronica, right? Now all of a sudden it’s an arrangement that she’s not comfortable with. Then she concludes the message by saying that she had no plans for the night and would be free for a romp in the sack.

I didn’t bother responding and waited for the call from her.

After a week, I send her the email I didn’t want to send. I couldn’t just call her, that was against the rules we had established so that I wouldn’t put her into a rough spot with her husband (besides the fact that I’ve been fucking her for 6 months).

I wasn’t antagonist or argumentative, I just told her that I thought we were heading in different directions and I wasn’t prepared to give her what she was looking for now.

Her reply was pretty short, I know she was hurt and maybe caught a little off-guard.

Do I send her a message reaffirming that our relationship is over?

No, I leave open the possibility of meeting up again.

That wasn’t fair to do at all, stringing her along like that. We haven’t been in touch since then, it’s been a week. I hope she’s doing ok.

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Blore

From puppy love to divorce, there is no such thing as a happy break-up. Virtually by definition, the two parties have different perceptions of how the relationship is going, and so the dumpee is going to be surprised and hurt. The moral obligation of the dumper is to be honest, timely (i.e., don’t let it drag on after you’ve already decided it’s over), direct (face to face, or at least voice to voice) and as gentle as you can be without violating the other three. If you deserve one bit of criticism it is for leaving open the possibility of a future – she will take that as more of a promise than you intend.

http://hubmanshangout.com Hubman

I think I made it pretty clear that I should have been more final and not left the door open. I was honest and timely, I tried voice-to-voice but she wouldn’t call, so she got an email instead.

Ash

Break ups suck for everyone, no matter how long you’ve been together and how you feel about each other by the end. It sucks that she avoided you – whether it was because she knew what was happening or not. Sorry things went south, & I hope the worst of it is over.
alive_she_cried

Sorry to hear about this. You really liked her and enjoyed being with her. You were open and honest with her at all times. (Some men are not able to achieve this, no matter what their intentions are, by the way.) You were able to see that she wanted things you couldn’t give her, and were as gentle as possible when that time came. What else could you have done?
InsanelySane_82

This is exactly why I’d never last in an open relationship (as much as I wish I could). I would become attatched and jealous of anyone my parterner came in contact with. I think you broke things off in the right way.
http://www.extremeparenthood.com Sunday Stilwell

I’m sorry to hear the breakup happened but I can’t say I was surprised by it. From your previous posts about Katie it sounded like she was looking for a long-term relationship and not just a sexual one.

That being said, breakups are never easy and I do think you handled it well.
http://notaperfectlife.wordpress.com/ Sophia

Bummer

I commend you for being so honest and upfront with her. Do I dare I say here that you are such a nice man.

Some women find it hard not to become emotionally attached after being with someone a while time even if in the beginning they didn’t think they didn’t want to or think they were going to.
I think it might be hard to find that women that can just fuck for fun. Maybe I am wrong… I hope I am.
http://www.kateanon.com kateanon

It’s hard in those situations to break things off, but it’s easier than letting her think there’s more there. I’ve seen a lot of women in this lifestyle think they’re immune and then fall into a situation where there are feelings.
http://topaz-gemology.blogspot.com Topaz

I understand your need for the email in that you didn’t want the intent to drag on. Maybe she saw it coming and that’s why she didn’t call you. And you’re right to send the message if she was avoiding it. I hope she sees that she was getting very emotionally affected and it was the only thing you could do. If she doesn’t see it now, I hope she can see it after the hurt has passed.

And I hope you’re doing alright as well. It must also have some impact on you. *hugs*
SuburbanHotwife

Hmm, an tricky situation, indeed. As Sinful Sophia said, there are women who find it difficult to separate emotions from sex. I never thought I’d be able to compartmentalize. I am semi-successful at it. I can’t lie and say I don’t care about my FWB, but I keep that kind of thought/feeling to myself.
I wish I had something more insightful to say,
SH
http://aprilsrandomshowers.blogspot.com April

I read your recent post about Katie so I had to go searching to see if you wrote something, and I found this. I wanted to say that when you first wrote about Katie here, several of us (your readers) commented that it sounded like she wanted more than what you were offering. That she would get too attached. I’m glad that you were able to recognize that and nip it in the bud.

My unsolicited opinion is to sever all ties completely. No matter what she says, she will not be able to just be your fuck buddy. As much as some women would like to think they’re capable of being one, they’re just not.