Several weeks ago I had a fun overnight getaway with a Twitter friend. No, you didn’t miss the post, I didn’t write about it at all.  Anyway, when I got home I of course told Veronica about the fun times we had, answering her questions with as much (or as little) detail as she wanted to know.

One thing was very clear to her- my friend and I had a lot of sex in the short amount of time we had together.  If I have a limited amount of time with a friend I don’t get to see as often I would like, chances are we’re going to do our best to have as much sex as possible. After all, that’s a big reason why we’re spending time together, right?

Something Veronica said struck me and made me a little sad

“I wish we could go away and have sex like that”

The reality is, we rarely have the chance to fuck for hours at a time.  Even if we do get away, real life always somehow interferes. The day-to-day routine of work, kids, household stuff, etc often leaves us lacking in quality time together, not just naked quality time either.  Sure, we have date night once in a while, which is fun, but it’s not quite the same, real life discussions inevitably work their way into the conversation and distracts us.

There’s more to what I’m thinking about here, the difference between explorations of 2 new partners vs 2 people who have been together for 2+ decades and how that effects the “type” of sex they have, but I’m having trouble finding the words describe it.

By no means am I dissatisfied with my sex life with Veronica, it’s fantastic, so I hope no one misinterprets what I’m saying. I just wish that she and I could find a way to get rid off or ignore all those distractions when we have several hours alone.

Thoughts?  Please feel free to comment…

Apr 302011
 

What book?

Sadie’s book,  Open All The Way, of course!

Many of us in the “sex-blogger” and HNT realms of the blogosphere are of course familiar with Sadie and her blog, Sexy Sadie’s Stories of Seduction: Confessions From My Open Marriage. Considering that I’m the 14th or so stop on her virtual book tour, you almost might know that she’s written a book and self-published it as an e-book.  Her book isn’t just a retelling of confessions that she’s already shared on her incredibly well-written and thoughtful blog, the e-book is the prologue to the blog.

Just how open Sadie approaches her life (and lifestyle) is captured in this chapter, the only chapter than overlaps with her blogging, which talks about how she shared not only her lifestyle but her blog with her mother.

Thankfully my mom waited a while before she worked up the courage to do an Internet search for “Sadie blog, Open Marriage.” She found it easily and read every page, skimming over the more colorful parts, yet still managing to glean insight as to what I’d been up to in my not-so-private life. And although some of what she read distressed her, due mostly to concerns for my safety, she was able to see past the brashness of some of my posts and see me in the shadows of my words. And she did not judge.

She reminded me that she was from a different generation: the era of sex as a closed-door activity. Where she hailed from, sex wasn’t something that was spoken about publicly, nor was it used as a means of self-expression. And as far as she knew, sex itself had no relevance to a particular lifestyle—one that people might enjoy reading about in a public forum. But I was pleased that my mother was able to see the me that I ached to present to her; the me who had carved out her own little place in cyberspace, the me who had much to say on the subject of sex and all its variances, the me who she could now recognize as consequential and capable and even sometimes entertaining.

The value in that was absolutely immeasurable.

And since then I have discovered that, even though my mother might not always approve of what I do or how I do it, she doesn’t judge me for my choices. She understands that they are mine to make. Besides, above all else, she is happy that I am writing

I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Sadie in person twice, in Texas last summer and again in the fall at the 2011 NYC Sex Blogger Calendar release party (she’s Ms November). A piece of Sadie trivia, that she may not even remember- almost 2 yrs ago, when Veronica and I were thinking about starting a semi-regular open relationship advice column, she’s the one who suggested “Swing Shift” when we were looking for a title for the column. She’s one of the diminishing group of people I’ve known ever since I’ve been blogging, I think our respective original blogs were started around the same time. Even if I hadn’t known her for that long, and have a soft spot in my heart for her (and a hard on in my pants :-) ) I’d still tell you,

GO OUT AND BUY HER BOOK!!

Jan 252011
 

105 mm macro lens, ISO 800, F/3.0, 1/80 sec

Time: 9:30 pm
Place: Living room

Veronica spent a little time on Ashley Madison last night.
Does she have a profile? Or do I?
Maybe both of us do.
Or maybe we’re branching out in our quest for a new unicorn to join us.
Only time will tell :-)

Dec 092010
 

Veronica has imposed a gag order on my blogging about potential playmates or dates.  Yesterday I wrote about a date with a new couple that we had scheduled for last night.  And what happened?

It’s been postponed!

The thing is, I’ve done this before, about 18 months ago we felt like we were jinxing ourselves by writing about couples before we connected with them.  I wrote “I resolved not to mention the next couple, whoever they may be, until there was something worth writing about”.

So much for that resolution, the next time I’ll listen to Veronica!

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Speaking of Veronica, she doesn’t have an HNT up, but she instructed me to bring my camera to the bedroom for in the morning, and she’s sleeping in a skimpy little g-string, so you never know!  In the meantime, visit Osbasso to see who else is getting half-nekkid this week.

 

Emmy posted something similar back in August, and imitation being the sincerest form of flattery or something like that, I’m doing the same.  Sometimes we focus on the difficult things, the problems we’re having, thinks we don’t like or that irritate us.  So I’m taking a few minutes to write down some things that I’m enjoying lately.

- My kids. Darling Boy never ceases to amaze me with his imagination and vocabulary.  He’s doing really well in school and in karate and his teachers can’t say enough nice things about him.  Princess Persistent always brings a smile to my face with her attitude, smile, laugh, and overall demeanor.  Best of all, she is just about potty-trained.  Woohoo!!  They are undeniably the best part of my life.

- Work. I know, right?  But really, it’s pretty good lately.  I enjoy what I do and am well compensated for my work.  Not too much in the way of bureaucratic headaches and I often go home feeling like I’ve made a good dent in the almighty to-do list that day.  Plus, I’ve fallen into some sort of mentoring role with 2 co-workers and am excited about how some data that I’m working on is looking.  Which is a twisted way of saying that I’m gaining satisfaction with statistics.  Perhaps I need professional help there…

- Family. My sister is about 6 months pregnant with her first child.  She’s several hours away and I don’t see her much at all, but I’m excited for her and my BIL and also about becoming an uncle for the first time.  My stepdad was seriously ill for most of last winter and spent several months in a collection of hospitals, rehab centers and nursing homes. We were so concerned that DB and I flew out to visit him in mid-February because we thought he might not make it.  But now he’s doing really well and celebrated his 86th birthday last week.

- Lifestyle. Veronica and I have a fantastic sex life, which is only made better with the occasional inclusion of certain friends. I once could only dream about doing some of the things I now do on a semi-regular basis.  Yes, I’m a very lucky man!

- Travel. For the first 14 yrs Veronica and I were married, we couldn’t travel much at all.  Between being young and poor, various graduate programs [hers and mine], and children, we couldn’t afford to travel much.  But in the last year alone, Veronica went to OsTour 2008, we helped a friend afford to trip to come see us, we went to Miami for a mid-winter weekend getaway, she came with me to Seattle for a week when I had a conference there, and of course we just went to Las Vegas 2 weeks ago.  In the coming year I have a conference in Anaheim which Veronica will accompany me to and she’ll join me for a long weekend or two when I go to Texas for 2 months later in the year.  Thank goodness for a little disposable income and retired grandparents to watch the kids!

- Photography. I really enjoyed the Photoshop class I recently took and am exploring what I can do with my camera.  I think that a digital SLR might be in my future.  My 40th birthday is this winter, after all….

- Blogging. You ever go through those periods when you don’t feel like writing, or you’re disappointed in the reaction, or lack of, to posts you publish?  I know I have, but not lately!  I often receive good, insightful comments on my posts, there is an absence of trolls, and for whatever reason, site visits to my blog have increased almost 50% in the last month.  I don’t know where you’re all coming from, but I’m glad you’re here and hope you keep coming back!!  Perhaps most satisfying is that the days when I get the most visits aren’t always Thursdays- it appears I’m not just a piece of ass, at least to some of you ;-)

- My blogger friends. There are a number of bloggers of who have become good friends, some of whom I have had the pleasure of meeting, others whom I hope to meet someday.  I’m not going to name drop, they know who they are.  And even if I may never get to chance to meet some of them, all of blogger friends are part of what make me happy.

- Veronica. This list would not be complete without her.  Nothing else I’ve written about today would be the same without her.  She’s been making me happy for 19 yrs and counting!

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So what about you, what’s been making you happy lately?  Feel free to steal this idea for a post of your own or share your thougths in the comments.

Don’t forget to visit Tits for Troops today, a new post is up.  As usual you can find Veronica and I there and I happen to know a lovely lady who is making her anonymous debut this week.

IMG_0717

Sep 132009
 

This post has nothing to do with the date Veronica and I had last night.  We had a very nice time with the couple, there is certainly chemistry between us, and we all talked about making plans to meet again sometime soon, in a more intimate setting :-)

On Swappernet there are some discussion boards that I occasionally browse and it was on one of these that I came across the following question:

This is a question for the couples here both married and those who play as a couple.

If your spouse/gf/bf got invited to take a weekend (or longer) trip (mini-vacation) for a one on one… would you allow them to do it?

If you already have… what is the longest period of time that you ok’d it?

Some people made some good comments, stating why it’s not for them or that they have tried it in select situations and would consider doing so again.  But then there were some really ignorant responses:

that involves all kinds of emotions, and dangerous and can result in a lot of problems that will not be able to be resolved ,lost of friends is not a good thing or stress on both cples realtionship

The old fashioned term for a man who agrees to have his wife carry on an independent liasson with another man is called “cuckhold”. In our opinion this could not work long term for any married couple or any couple in a COMMITTED LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP!!!

No here for us also.. To each his own, we just don’t subscribe to that type of activity. We have met some friends who did “dabble” that way. All 3 couples are divorced now.

These comments all come from people who are active swingers, sharing their partners with others.  Yet they all displayed the same bias towards an alternative lifestyle choice, a bias that frankly surprised me.

I think about Sexie Sadie and her open marriage.  I’m the first to admit that I have no interest in going out on a date or to see a lover while Veronica stays home to watch the kids.  Why would I do that?  [Never mind my playing with others while I'm traveling.  I'm traveling and am away from home anyway, so Veronica and I look at that differently.]  But I recognize that such an arrangement can work quite well for others, such as Sadie and her husband.

I think about Bdenied and his wife.  I have no interest in being locked out of the bedroom while Veronica fucks another man.  But that arrangement works for Bdenied and his wife.  Who am I to judge?

And that’s what bugged me the most about this discussion thread, the ignornance of other forms of open relationships.  I bet these people would get defensive if someone declared that swinging relationships are doomed to failure, yet here they are, doing the same thing to others.

Oh well.  Life goes on…

Slow Sex is Better

 Tagged with:
Sep 052009
 

[I'm stealing this from Hypersexual Girl, who got it from somewhere else.  Like she said, some of us still have things to learn.  I've added a little commentary of my own here and there.]

You’re fit — and strong. And when it comes to bedding your girl, you nail it fast and hard, just the way she likes it. Problem is, it’s not the way she loves it. Learn more about the slow groove and you may just realize what women have known for years — slow sex is better.

Why She Likes It Slow
1. Just because a woman is wet, that doesn’t mean she’s near climax. A good rule of thumb: Take the amount of time you think she needs, and double it. If she’s ready sooner, you’ll know it.

2. Synchronicity is overrated. We girls don’t care when we have an orgasm — as long as we get one. The longer you stimulate us — and the slower you take things — the more likely that becomes.

3. Hell, sex is fun. You rush through the workday and always try to be efficient, but when it comes to play — any kind of play — make it count. She needs the break and pleasure as much as you do.

Why You’ll Benefit From Taking Your Time
1. Men need more time to recover from sex than women do. It’s called a “refractory period,” and there’s little you can do to speed it up. Meaning, if you get off quickly, that’s it — end of show.

2. Sex is better than Tylenol. According to Annie Sprinkle, Ph.D., a porn star/prostitute turned sexed educator, sex promotes the production of pain-reducing compounds called neuropeptides.

3. Two words: stronger orgasms. The slower you take things, and the more times you get close to the edge without going over, the more powerful the release will be when you finally climax.

Here Are a Few Foolproof Pointers for Lengthening the Time of Your Lovemaking
1. Do reps. According to the sex therapist Barbara Keesling, Ph.D., the stronger the muscles that control your orgasm are, the longer you’ll last during sex. To strengthen them, contract the muscles you use to stop urinating for two seconds and release. Repeat 20-60 times daily.

2. Take deep breaths during sex. Forget reciting baseball stats. If you want to last longer, you need to slow your breathing down when you are close to ejaculating. Focusing on how quickly you inhale and exhale can help you avoid climaxing before you’re ready.

3. While women just have one G spot, men have the equivalent of two: one near the prostate, and one on top of the penis, just below the head. That’s why it’s important to alternate between long and short strokes. You’ll last longer, excite her, and get the extra stimulation you might other wise have missed banging it like a jackhammer.

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Some of my readers have asked when I’ll be writing about my hotel room fun on Wednesday afternoon.

While Veronica is completely comfortable with what my friend and I did, and she knows some of the details, she’d rather not read a blow-by-blow account of how freakin’ hot the afternoon was.

So out of deference to my wife’s wishes, this is one encounter you won’t get to read about.  But I’ll leave you with this little tidbit….

I experienced my first woman who squirts when she cums!

Ruining-childrens-songs-one-at-a-time-500x190

 

Many of you have probably read my wife’s post yesterday about our date on Friday night.  If not, click here and read it first.  Sometimes we have great dates and the chemistry is there all around, other times that is definitely not the case.  In no way am I questioning Veronica’s sense that the chemistry wasn’t there between her and Darryl, because I agree with her.

I’ll freely admit that Barbie is probably the single hottest woman I’ve ever had sex with and would fuck her again in a heartbeat.  So yes, while I’m seriously disappointed that Veronica and Darryl didn’t have good chemistry, I won’t do a thing to pressure her to see them again.

There have been times where she and I have written a post together and I think that this date provided the perfect opportunity to do so, considering our widely disparate experiences that evening.  Yesterday I drove to NY and back to retrieve Darling Boy from his week at grandpa’s house and she wrote and published her post while I was gone.  While I’m disappointed that we didn’t have the opportunity to co-author a post about the evening, I’m more disappointed in how she portrayed numerous aspects of the evening, casting Darryl and Barbie in an unnecessarily harsh light.  The particulars of what I disagree with don’t matter.  Veronica and I have talked, and it’s all good.

We had a mixed experience with a couple and won’t be seeing them again.

Moving on…

Aug 242009
 

Take a look at these screen captures of two profiles, each from a different swingers website

untitled1untitled2

Obviously, I’m posting these because they are of the same couple.  For starters, the profile name is the same on both sites and the pictures are the same.  Plus, we know them.

Notice some differences?

How about the age?

It gets better.  Neither age listed for either of them is correct.  They’re in their early fifties.

And believe me, they look it.  There will be no fooling anyone about their age!

The part about several months experience? Fiction.  We’ve been seeing them at parties as long as we’ve been going, which is almost a year.  From what we’ve seen both of them do, they are far from newbies!

The moral of the post: please, be truthful on your profile!  Even if you’re not known in the local party scene, eventually whoever you do meet is gonna figure out that the profile isn’t entirely truthful.

Aug 162009
 

Friday night DB has a test for his next belt in karate, so the whole family went to watch.  While we’re there, Veronica and I make small talk with Melanie, one of the other moms, who also happens to work in the building next to mine.  Now I’ll be the first to admit that whenever I take DB to karate class, I hope that she’ll be there are well.  Not just because DB and her son get along well, or because she is good company, but because she is really attractive.  She’s one of those women who makes me wonder what she would think about our involvement in the lifestyle.  Would she be repulsed, curious, aroused, asking for an invitation?

But that’s just my typical guy brain, thinking about fucking the mom of one of my son’s friends.

Or so I thought…

Later that evening, Veronica remarks to me “how cool would it be to find Melanie and her husband on a swingers website?”.  I make some smart ass remark along the lines of “like you wouldn’t want to get her naked!”.

She didn’t argue with me ;-)

Then something similar happened on Saturday. We went to a barbeque at an old co-workers house to celebrate his 50th birthday.  He and I worked together before I went back to grad school 6 yrs ago and while I’ve seen him since then, his wife and Veronica haven’t seen each others in years.  This was one of those gatherings with family, neighbors, coworkers and assorted friends, so many people didn’t know each other.

Veronica and I ended up spending time and chatting with 2 women who were also friends of my old c0-worker.  Both of them were pleasant company and we had good conversation about a variety of topics.  I was thinking that one of them was quite attractive, but said nothing to Veronica.  Not that I needed to…

Driving home, she remarks to me “That one in the blue sundress was pretty good looking, don’t you think?”

How cool is it that my wife checks out other women with me?

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I came across this picture recently and a Sunday seems like an appropriate day to share it.  I can’t find the words to describe my hatred of the Westboro Baptist Church.  Yes, hate is a rather un-Christian attitude to take towards a group of people, but these fuckers picket the funerals of soldiers killed in action, saying they deserved to die.  I refuse to link to their website, so here’s an article on Wikipedia if you don’t know about their activities.

political-pictures-westboro-baptist-church-what-said

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Wow, I think that this is about the most bi-polar post I’ve ever written!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

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